Page 40 of The Fadeaway
When it comes to parenting the responsibility has always fallen on my shoulders. Victor spends time with Christian, but he doesn’t make decisions and he isn’t here every day. And I’m still frustrated that after his big speech on Sunday, he couldn’t bother to show up to Christian’s soccer practice.
“I’d hold off on Olympic dreams, he spent most of the last half of practice spinning in circles until he got so dizzy, he fell down.” His low chuckle sends goosebumps over my skin. “Anyway, coffee and pastries on the house this morning.”
He nods, the smile never leaving his lips. “You free tomorrow night for another virtual date? Team’s travelling, so I probably won’t be able to talk on the phone during the ride, but thought we could watch a movie and text?”
The way my heart beats against my chest, you’d think he just asked me to fly to Paris. “You already got youronedate. Besides, don’t you have to, I don’t know, study plays or mentally prepare or something?” I wave my hands in the air.
“Nah. I usually watch Netflix or sleep. We’re going up tomorrow night, but the game isn’t until Saturday afternoon. Good to see you’re worried about me though, Kitty. I’ll text you at seven. I’ll even let you pick the movie this time.” He knocks on the counter twice with his knuckles and then steps away.
* * *
“Earth to Katrina.” Willa waves in front of my face.
I glance around the table, each member of our critique group stares at me questioningly. “Sorry. I was daydreaming. What was the question?”
“In my story the heroine’s mom is struggling to accept the choices she’s making – moving away from home, her choice of boyfriend, the college she’s picked. We were discussing how this would impact the heroine’s relationship with her mom, her actions, her inner thoughts. It’s such an important time in her life – time to grow up and grab independence by the balls – at least that’s the heroine’s thinking. What do you think?”
I blush, the situation feeling all too familiar and personal.
“Oh, um, I’m not sure. I guess the heroine would pull away, distance herself from her mom.” I bring my pen up to my lips like I’m deep in thought, considering it from the heroine’s point of view. I don’t need to. I’ve lived it. “She’d find herself telling her mom less, not sharing the details of her life in order to avoid fighting with her. I think we are all probably guilty of doing that, right?” I look around nervously but continue when they all look like they’re considering my words carefully. “We know our parents don’t want us drinking all night or skipping classes, but this is the time where we finally get to make those decisions. Plus, we all have to learn things on our own. Every generation repeats the mistakes of our parents not because we don’t know better, but because we need to face the consequences on our own.”
Willa flashes me a big smile. “Yes! I love that. That’s so true,” she says as her fingers fly over the keys of her laptop.
The rest of the group weighs in and we break until next week. With my mom fresh on my mind, I call her while I walk to my next class.
“Hello?” she answers like she doesn’t know it’s me when I know caller ID announced me.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Katrina!” she exclaims. “It’s so good to hear from you.”
“I know. I’m sorry I haven’t called in a couple weeks. Classes and work have been keeping me busy and then of course Christian. Thank you for the cleats you sent him. He’s loving soccer.”
I take a deep breath. When I told my parents I was moving to Valley and going to college just as I’d planned before I’d gotten pregnant, they’d been less than enthusiastic. They’re great and I’m positive that if I’d stayed, they’d have helped me any way they could, but my parents were counting down the days until they could start traveling and do all the things they weren’t able to because they were also teen parents.
My mom was only sixteen when she had my sister and then, surprise, I came along fifteen years later. That’s a lot of years to parent, I get it, I’d be ready for a vacay too.
And part of me had wanted to stay and take all the help I could get, but having Christian so young changed so much, I decided I didn’t want to be like my parents waiting thirty years to do the things I wanted because I had a kid. I want Christian to see me working toward my goals – graduating and eventually being a screenwriter.
“Of course, send me his game schedule when you have it and your dad and I will try and make the trip to see him play.” The reminder that we’re too far away for them to just pop by unplanned makes me stay silent for too long. “Katrina? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here. I’m sorry that we’re not closer. I miss you guys,” I say. “Things are going great for us, though.” Before she can get a word in, I continue. “And Christian is doing great in preschool. We’re doing great, Mom.”
One more great and I’m officially overcompensating. I slow my pace as I get close to my next class.
“Oh, honey.” I hear her sigh. “Of course, you are. Your father and I are so proud of you, but we just worry. I don’t want to see you make things harder on yourself than is necessary. I remember what it was like trying to be young and raise a child and your grandma was only five minutes away. She saved me more times than I can count. I just think you need to let people help you more. You don’t have to always go it alone.”
“I know.” My voice is small. Guilt washes over me and I wonder if I’m being selfish. It’s not the first time I’ve questioned if my actions are what’s best for Christian. Would he be happier if we were closer to family, had Sunday lunches like Joel’s family, and grandparents on the sidelines at his soccer games?
“I know too,” she says with a hint of agitation as if she’s expected my stubbornness but not quite accepted it.
“I’ve got a class. Tell Dad I said hello and Christian and I will video call this weekend so you can chat.”
“Okay. Give him our love.”
I lean against the wall outside of my composition class and let out a long breath.
Me: Okay. Let’s talk tonight about Christian staying with you for the week.
