Page 70 of The Fadeaway
“Was Christian excited to see Victor?”
I sit down on the porch swing and wrap a hand around the chain that holds it to the ceiling. “He wasn’t there.”
“What?”
I shake my head. “He’s here, just playing in some softball game this afternoon.”
I stomp my feet and make an annoyed growl in my throat. They stare at me like I’ve lost my mind because I never lose my shit in front of them. Call it self-preservation, but I don’t want to show them how right they might have been about me needing more help. “Sorry, I’m just so frustrated. I thought him moving back here was going to be good for Christian, but it’s the same shit. I invited him to Christian’s soccer practice, and he told me he was busy.”
“By all means, yell, scream, just do it to him,” my mom says as she flails the hand not carrying her wine.
“What?”
“You’ve been letting him get away with it for far too long if you ask me.”
“But you’ve never said anything.”
“Wasn’t my place. Still isn’t. This has been going on for three years. More than that, really, he couldn’t even make it to most of the doctor appointments.” Some of those I may not have told him about, but it feels unproductive to share that now. “You knew Victor wasn’t the most reliable young man from the beginning. I thought at some point you’d stand up to him for Christian’s sake instead of trying to be super mom. You can’t be all things for everyone.”
My mother huffs as if she’s the one truly put out by Victor. “I’m going to get more wine.”
“I think I’ll help,” Lisa says, leaving me alone with my sister.
I kick off the ground to put the swing in motion as the screen door slams shut.
Mary moves to sit beside me. “I know Mom doesn’t come right out and say it, but she’s on your side on this one.”
“She has a weird way of showing it. Ever since I left for college, she’s made me feel like I’m the one who messed up by running off with Christian in tow.”
“Are you kidding?” She chuckles. “She is so proud of you. She and Lisa were just talking about how when they were your age, they were both straddled down with kids on each hip wishing they’d followed through on their dreams.”
I roll my eyes because Lisa only has one kid and by the time my mother had enough kids to have one on each hip, Mary was fifteen. I understand the expression, though.
“She worries about you, wants the best for you. The same way you want for Christian.”
My mother and Lisa reappear with another wine bottle and an extra glass. My mother hands it to me. “Are you staying?”
Two glasses of wine and the worst book club discussion in all of history later, I head off to my old room and plop down on the bed. Mary had to get home to her family and Mom and Dad went out to dinner. I opted to stay home and stew in my misery. Christian calls and tells me all about his afternoon which I’m pleased to find out includes Victor playing soccer with him. In a moment of weakness, I text Joel.
Me: Whatcha doing?
Smooth, Katrina. Great opening line.
Joel: Just got to the hotel.
Me: What time’s the game tomorrow?
Joel: Not til 6 – won’t be back until Sunday.
Me: Good luck!
He doesn’t respond right away, and I toss my phone to the end of the bed wishing more than ever I could get lost in fantasies with Joel. I roll over on my stomach and pull up the covers not caring at all that I’m still fully dressed. I’ve got a week all to myself. God, it’s been so long since I’ve been able to make plans with no one else to consider.
As I drift off, imagining a day at the spa or maybe declaring it sweatpants week and bingeing Netflix and ice cream, a much better idea occurs to me and I spend the rest of the night dreaming about it.
29
Katrina
