Page 91 of The Fake
“But you would put yourself in that position?”
“Not anymore. I have too much to lose now. I screwed up. My life before you…” I shake my head. “I did a lot of dumb things that I can’t take back, but it’s not who I am anymore. Please tell me you know that I’m not that guy.”
“Honestly.” She lifts both shoulders and lets them fall. “I don’t know anything right now.”
“Yeah.” My voice sounds like I swallowed razor blades — my insides feel like it, too. “I guess I deserve that.”
“I think I just need some time and space. We jumped into this so fast. What do we really know about each other?”
“Everything that matters.”
She tilts her head to the side and regards me seriously. “You know that’s not true.”
“It is true, though. You might not know my past, but you know me. I’ve never been more myself than I am with you.”
“Even when you were lying to my face?” Her words twist in my gut. She smiles sadly. “I know that you didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did, and you can’t take it back.”
* * *
“What can I do?” Gabby asks from my doorway the next afternoon. I was up all night, but I’m not tired.
“Take this away from me. It’s not helping.” I hold out the bottle of Jack without getting up. I’m flat on my back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I thought I could drink away the pain and then pass out and forget it ever happened. I was wrong or maybe I can, but I don’t want to. I need to figure out how to fix this.
She takes the bottle from my outstretched hand, sets it on the floor, and then climbs onto the bed and lies beside me.
“I screwed up, Gabs,” I say, choking up as I admit it both to her and myself. “I screwed up, and I don’t know how to undo it.”
She rests her head on my shoulder and takes my hand.
“I love her. I can’t lose her.”
“You won’t.”
“You didn’t see her face.” I turn my head and look Gabby in the eyes. “I’ve disappointed a lot of people in my life. My dad used to lecture me for hours when I’d get a bad grade or fight with my brother, my mom would send me to my room or ground me when I was in trouble, Coach yells out his disappointment, but Chloe she was calm, resigned even. You know who reacts like that? Someone who has given up on you.”
“Then you have to believe in yourself enough for the both of you.” She stands and tugs on my hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“We’re going for a run.”
“Now?”
“Endorphins, Payne. I’ve got world domination and a wedding to plan and you need to figure out how to win back your girl.”
32
Chloe
My mom callsme the next morning to let me know she and my dad are in town. Their timing on a spontaneous visit couldn’t be worse. My mother sees through my bullshit like a dollar store shower curtain, and right now, I’m about as confused and emotional as I’ve ever been. Still, I haven’t seen them in months, so I shower and put on some makeup, prepared to go about my day with some sort of normalcy.
That is until I get to communications class. I’m not sure if he’ll show up after how we ended things last night, but he does looking as handsome as ever and hesitantly takes the seat beside me.
“Hi.” His voice washes over me like a rogue wave, slamming into me and pulling me under. He drops a brown paper bag from the café on the desk. I don’t even have to open it to know there’s a bran muffin inside.
“Thanks.”
He nods.
