Page 100 of Secret Puck
“It’s only been a few days.”
“And your point is?” he asks, eyes closed and hips bucking into my palm.
I pause and his eyes open and lock onto mine. It’s an opening to tell him how I feel, but instead of taking it, I slide down the bed and wrap my lips around the head of his cock.
Afterward,we’re lying on the bed curled up together. Heath’s eyelids keep shutting even as he tells me he’s not tired.
“Let me get you some water and Tylenol.” I start to stand, but he captures my hand and tugs me back down.
“No. I don’t need you to do that. People are always trying to take care of me. I just want you to lay here with me.”
“You are very stubborn.”
His mouth pulls up into a smile, eyes still closed.
“You know, it’s okay to let people do nice things for you. It doesn’t mean you’re incapable. That’s how relationships work.” I bite at the corner of my lip. “Speaking of, I’ve been trying to talk to you since we got back from break, but with everything that’s happened, we haven’t had a chance. Maybe tomorrow we can hang out, just the two of us?”
His lids flutter open and those dark blue eyes focus on me. “It’s okay, Ginny, I already know. I overheard you talking to Adam.”
“You know what?”
“At your parents’ house. I was in your room that morning before we left, and I overheard you tell Adam that you… how you feel about me.”
“Oh.”Crap. Embarrassed, stilted laughter slips out and I sit up. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“I didn’t know what to say.” His lips turn down at the corners and then his tongue darts out to wet them. “Ginny… I like you a lot.”
All the blood drains from my face. The way he says it and his expression—it’s excruciating.Like.He didn’t tell me because he doesn’t feel the same.
I’m absolutely horrified, and fleeing is the first thing that comes to mind. Get out of here before I start crying.
“I forgot how honest you are when you’ve been drinking.” I try to laugh it off, but tears sting my eyes. I stand and look for my clothes. “I’m going. Let’s talk tomorrow when you’re sober.”
“Please don’t go. This is why I didn’t bring it up before. I didn’t want you to say it and be hurt if I didn’t say it back. What we have is great and it’s just a bullshit word.” He runs a hand through his hair, making the dark strands stand up, then the other hand joins it. I love his hair. It’s always such a beautiful mess. Even now when he’s breaking my heart.
“Love is a bullshit word?” I shake my head in disbelief. “This is why I told Adam and not you. I thought it might be too soon and I didn’t want to pressure you or make things weird. I had no intention of telling you that I love you.” I swallow. I can’t describe how much I hate that the first time I utter those three words to him, it’s like this. I feel completely shattered that I’ve been his unknowing pity case while he’s been secretly trying to figure out how to let me down easy.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. It isn’t that you…” He pauses. “Wait, you weren’t? But you said that you wanted to talk. I just assumed that’s what it was about. I’ve been worrying about it all week.”
“Oh my god.” I glance to the ceiling and try to calm the anger rising. When I look back to him, I can no longer keep my eyes from welling. Hot, angry tears.
“Fuck, that came out wrong,” he says.
“I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend, you big jerk.”
His brows draw together. “Oh.”
“But it’s really nice to know you’ve been stressing about me using the L-word, heaven forbid. What an awful thing for you to cope with.”
Anger. Yes, I need more anger to keep from feeling the sadness.
He gets to his feet. His jeans are on but unbuttoned and they slide down on his hips as he starts toward me. “Fuck, Ginny. I thought I already was your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve never talked about it. Hence,the talk.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? Not loving me or thinking the whole concept of it is ludicrous?” My voice cracks.
