Page 112 of Secret Puck
“She’ll be up. You know what a night owl she is. Call her.”
“I will, I will,” I say begrudgingly.
“I get it,” he says. “Trust me, I do. I did the same thing. I got to Valley and tried to live like the past hadn’t happened. I barely talked to you or Mom my first two years of college.”
“I know, I remember.” I’d been sad at first and then pissed. Dad died, then Nathan left, Mom got worse, and before I knew it, everything had changed except me.
“She’s trying. I know it doesn’t magically make up for everything, but you can’t be pissed at her forever if you really want to move on.”
“I’m not pissed,” I say and then backtrack. “Okay, maybe a little pissed.”
“If it helps, the more I talk to her now, the easier it gets and the less I find myself thinking about the past.”
“Yeah, all right.”
“Well, I’ve gotta get to bed. We’re flying to New York early tomorrow, but I’m really excited to see you in a few weeks. Also, Chloe started Christmas shopping two months ago, so be prepared—her level of excitement is intense.”
“Can’t wait,” I say honestly. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a holiday together or really any time together.
After we hang up, I call Mom, but she doesn’t answer, so I shoot her a text and then change into sweats.
She returns my call as I fall back on my bed. “Hey, sorry I missed your call, my hands were covered in cookie dough. I’m doing some late-night baking.”
“No problem. I’m about to head to bed.”
“Have you talked to Nathan? Did he tell you we’re coming to Valley?” Her voice is upbeat, and I realize she’s excited, which makes me more excited.
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with him. I can’t believe you guys are all coming.”
“Visiting you at college and then your brother and Chloe coming home for Thanksgiving reminded me how much I miss my boys. I was so focused on myself and getting healthy that I’ve let us all go too long without getting together.”
“You’re doing great, Mom.” She really is and it only takes her voicing her own regrets to make me feel like a giant douche for holding the past against her. I haven’t magically forgiven her, and I don’t know how long it’ll be until I do, but I know Nathan is right—I’ve gotta meet her where she is now if I want any type of relationship with her.
The thing is I don’t avoid calling her because I don’t want her in my life. I’m just having a hard time figuring out what that looks like now while I try to let go of years of hurt I didn’t even realize I was harboring until she was well enough for me to take a breath.
“I am,” she says confidently. “And so are you. I’m so proud of you.”
I clear my throat. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Three weeks! I can’t wait. I’m making a test batch of oatmeal raisin cookies now.”
My stomach growls. “Those are my favorite.”
“I know. I haven’t made them in years.”
The more we make plans, the more excited I am, but also cautious. “I’m excited too, but if it doesn’t work out, then we’ll still all be together next summer. Assuming they go through with the wedding.”
“Of course, they’ll go through with it. Your brother is head over heels for Chloe.”
“Yeah, it’s not her I’m worried about screwing it up,” I joke. Honestly, I know my brother would gnaw off a limb before doing anything to sabotage his relationship with Chloe. And she’s awesome, so I get it. I’m happy for them.
“Oh, hush. Your brother is doing great. I’m proud of both my boys. I’m really glad you called. The house is still lonely without you. Especially at night.”
I yawn and she laughs in my ear. “Get some sleep, honey. I’ll call you this week.”
“Okay, sounds great, Mom.”
“I love you.”
