Page 67 of Secret Puck
Reagan places a hand on my knee and squeezes. “But he hasn’t dated anyone else as far as I know.”
“When did dating become more romantic than sex?” I ask and then, “If I tell you guys something, will you promise not to laugh?”
“Yes,” Reagan says at the same time Dakota says, “No way.”
“Kota,” Reagan admonishes.
“What? If it’s funny, I won’t be able to hold back. I will try.”
“Good enough, I guess.” I take a drink of the wine. “My last boyfriend, Bryan, broke up with me after.”
“After?”
“After we’d had sex. Like still inside of me.”
“Oh shit.” Dakota’s eyes widen.
I hide behind my hands stretched out over my face. “Now I wished you’d just laughed.”
“Wait, wait, wait. We need the full story,” Reagan says.
So, I tell them. How Bryan and I had planned to go to Valley U together, but then he’d received an offer to play football in Boise and how he’d broken the news to me after we’d had sex for the first time.
“What an asshole.”
“He really isn’t though. It was my idea. I was ready, and I thought it would bring us closer before we headed off on this great adventure together. After, he told me he wasn’t going to Valley and that he thought it would be better if we broke up instead of trying to make it work.”
I’ve gone over that day a million times looking for cues I missed, but I was ready and excited, and I think he could have shown me a million red flags and I would have ignored them.
“Sorry, babe.” Dakota rubs my arm. “For what it’s worth, even Heath’s not that cold.”
“No, I know. And I’d had sex before Bryan. Just one other time with a guy I met at summer camp. It was right before Bryan and I started dating. Neither were great. I made Bryan wait because I wanted it to mean more than the first time. And, I think I’m doing it again with Heath. Does that make me too idealistic?”
Reagan shakes her head. “No, of course not, but holding out doesn’t mean that it will mean more… it just means you build it up to an impossible standard.”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” I admit.
We go through two bottles of wine and watch a movie before calling it a night.
Reagan brings me a blanket and pillow from her room. “Thank you.”
The TV is muted, but I lie down and watchGolden Girlsreruns with subtitles. I’m just about asleep when my phone buzzes.
Hottest guy on campus:You awake?
Me:No
Hottest guy on campus:Me either.
Me:Don’t you have a big game tomorrow or something?
Hottest guy on campus:Maverick snores.
Me:I don’t snore, and I miss you.
Hottest guy on campus:Now I really wish you were in this hotel room with me instead.
Me:Oh yeah? Need a cuddle buddy?
