Page 44 of Bad Crush
I shake my head. This is what I do. Give myself completely, jump in headfirst, and live in that new relationship until the little things I overlooked in the beginning start to pile up, and I realize it’ll never work. I want this time to be different. I need it to be.
Reagan isn’t like the girls I’ve dated in the past. She’s my friend and neighbor; she’s tight with Ginny. No matter what happens, she’s going to be part of my life. It’s almost like it automatically became serious when we crossed over that line. Or hurdled over it in our case. I care about what happens between us, of course, but also just about her.
I should probably do the opposite of whatever I think is right—put some space between us, slam the damn brakes on. She’s got a full day of classes, and I’ve got the game tonight and another tomorrow, so that shouldn’t be too hard. Though, I’m already itching to text her, kiss her…
“How are you feeling?” I ask Rhett as I fall in beside him.
“Like I put my liver through a shredder last night.” He smells like the sweet liquor he drank, and I put a little more distance between us to breathe some nonalcoholic air.
“I’m sorry about Carrie. I don’t think I said that last night.”
“You definitely didn’t, and no, you aren’t.” He cuts me a knowing look.
“Fine. I’m not sorry you broke up, but I am sorry that you’re bummed.”
“Bummed?” he scoffs. “We’ve been together since high school. I’ve known her since I was four years old. I’m not bummed. That makes it sound like I’m a child disappointed that there’s no more ice cream. My world is rocked.”
I search his face for understanding. “But you broke up with her.”
“And I feel awful about it. Sick to my stomach.”
“Then why did you do it?” Honestly, I never thought he would. He’s grumbled about her before, mentioned in passing that things seemed harder between them this past year, that they had less and less in common, but then he’d be on the phone with her twenty minutes later, and everything would be great again.
“Because I don’t want to hate her or dread talking to her. She might not be the person for me, but I care about her. She saw something in me when no one else did. I was nothing before I met her. Miserable and lonely. I owe her a lot.”
Rhett’s made no attempt to hide that he was a skinny, unpopular kid until he started dating Carrie, but I think he gives her too much credit. He’s a great guy. I have no doubt he was also a great kid, and I know he was a great boyfriend. I saw it day after day. She liked him for who he is instead of what he looked like. That doesn’t make her a saint. Besides, he grew into his giant frame and big nose. He’s a good-looking guy now, according to the girls that often hang around trying to get his attention. He’ll have no problem finding someone new.
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You want to have people over tonight and get stupid?” I secretly hope that isn’t the answer because we need to be sharp for our games this weekend. One night of heavy drinking he might be able to push through, but two?
“No, man. I’m good. It’s just going to take time.”
“The offer’s good anytime. Whatever you need.”
“Thanks.” He nods his appreciation. “What about you and Reagan? Did you lock that down yet?”
We get in the back of the line for passing drills. “We’re taking it slow. You heard her last night. We’re not jumping into anything.”
“Why not? Reagan’s great.”
“Because I want this to work, and in the past when I’ve been too quick to label things, it’s blown up in my face.”
“But you’re still doing it.” Rhett gives his head a shake. “You can call it, or not call it, whatever you want, but you’re treating her like you do all your new girlfriends.”
“I’m not,” I say, though I can’t offer any evidence of that. I grind down on my molars. He’s right. Of course, he is, but I’m in unchartered waters. I want to make her my girlfriend, but it’s only been a week, and that’s exactly what the old me would have done. Acknowledging that is like admitting that I’m setting us up for failure.
“All I’m saying is, I’ve seen you date a lot of girls. So has Reagan. If you’re not being clear about whatever it is you’re doing, then you’re both assuming something. Make sure that something is the same thing.”
“Your advice is that I should clarify that we’re not together?”
He chuckles. “Or that you are.”
* * *
Ginny’sat my apartment when I get back. Sitting on the couch braiding her hair, she nods in greeting.
“What are you still doing here?” I ask, tossing my bag in the general direction of my room and sitting next to her on the couch. Heath had to go straight to class after our skate, so she’s not waiting for him.
“Eww. You’re sweaty, and you stink.”
