Page 95 of Bad Crush
Applause breaks out in the room, and I glance inside in time to see Janine making her way to the front. I still can’t find my voice, but I lean into him. I feel infinitely stronger with Adam by my side.
“You must be the fiancé? Janine speaks highly of you.” Lori smiles and looks back and forth between us. Her gaze takes in every detail. The way he touches me and the way I let him support me. I hate that she’s privy to even that much detail about my life.
“Umm.” Adam’s head swivels between us.
“Adam, this is Lori.”
His jaw drops, and he looks at her closer. “It’s nice to meet you.”
As Janine starts her speech and the three of us hold our awkward standoff, I go from furious to enraged. How dare my mom show up here? After all these years? This is probably the first time she’s ever shown up to a banquet or school function, and it’s for Janine? Where was she my entire childhood?
I was the kid who had no one there to take pictures as I received awards, no one to take me out for ice cream after. I stopped participating in things somewhere along the way. I didn’t need the looks of pity or polite applause. Why worry about perfect attendance or perform in choir if no one is going to be there to celebrate it? With theater, I could forget that no one in the audience came to see me and lose myself in the darkened room, imagining just for a minute that maybe she was there somewhere out of sight.
I can’t lose myself in this situation.
“It’s almost time for me to go. Do you want to go in?” Adam asks.
“Of course,” I assure him. I don’t want him to think about anything but killing his speech. I still haven’t heard it, but I know he’s been working hard on it. He deserves so much. “I can’t wait to see you crush it, but can you give us a minute?”
He nods. “I’ll wait at the door.”
I face Lori. There’s nothing that I could have done to prepare for this. Years’ worth of playing this conversation over in my head, and I still don’t know what to say. She’s much chattier.
“He’s very handsome. How long have the two of you been together?” She speaks quietly but every word slams into me with a crushing force.
I don’t answer. In fact, my throat feels like I swallowed nails. Speaking to her causes me physical pain. It’s why I haven’t in so long.
“Okay, well, at least let me tell you congratulations. My baby’s getting married.”
I close my eyes and whisper, “Don’t do this. Please. Just stop.”
“I know that I haven’t always been there for you, but you’re getting married. Every girl wants her mother at her wedding. And I want to be there. I want to be in your life again. God knows I failed you, but—”
“You have no right,” I say too loudly. My cheeks heat with embarrassment, and I glance down the empty hallway.
“I know. I’m sorry, Reagan. It isn’t enough, but I am. You’re starting a new life. I just want you to know that I want to be a part of that.”
My hands curl into fists, and my body vibrates. “We’re not even really engaged, okay?” I spit the words at her. “You’re off the hook. He’s not my fiancé. We’re not getting married. You can keep on living your life and not giving a damn about me.”
I turn on my heel where Adam’s waiting for me with Dr. Salco. I don’t need to look at her down-turned mouth to know she heard me. Adam’s face says it all.
* * *
“So you just left?”Dakota asks. I can read her judgment. I feel it deep in my soul.
“I couldn’t breathe with her there.”
“I can’t believe the nerve, showing up like that. What was it like seeing her again?”
“Like it was just yesterday that she was running out on me. All of the anger and hurt I’ve tried to shove down just came right back.” I snap my fingers. My body still vibrates with rage.
She squeezes my elbow. “I’m sorry, babe. And fuck her. I wish I would have been there. I’ve dreamed of saying that to her face for three years.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“What are you going to do about Adam?”
“He had to stay for his speech, obviously.” My stomach turns. “He said it was fine and that he’d come by later, but I abandoned him. He’s going to hate me.”
