Page 112 of Wild Love
“Crazy night, right?” Johnny asks as we get ready for bed.
“You knew.”
He nods. “Yeah, Rauthruss told me last night. It’s why I didn’t tell him about us.”
“Right. Yeah, I’m so glad I didn’t tell Sienna now.”
“We can tell them in a week or two when their news has died down. I almost missed the whole thing with your sexy legs taunting me. Rauthruss would have beenpiiissed.”
“It’s sweet that you did all of that for them.”
“It was nothing. I’m happy for them and happy to be a part of it.”
“It made me realize that’s what I want,” I say, taking a seat next to him on the bed.
“Check.” He traces an imaginary check mark in the air. “Wifey.”
“I mean, all of it. I want to date someone, fall in love, then get engaged. We’ve done everything out of order.”
“Yeah, but it was all pretty great.” He shrugs.
“You’re not hearing me, Johnny. I want that. This summer has been amazing, but it’s ending, and maybe we should stick to the original plan and leave it at that.”
“You want to break up?”
“Are we even together?” My laugh is brittle. “We decided to use each other for sex all summer, and then we got married in Vegas.”
“I was there. I know what happened, Kota. Your description isn’t accurate. It was never about using each other, and you know it. But whatever it was we did, I don’t regret any of it. Do you?”
I don’t regret it, not really, but if we hadn’t gotten married in Vegas would he still be trying to make this work? And the real kicker, the thing I can’t shake is the image of Johnny the first week in Minnesota when he got hurt. He begged me to stay because I was comfortable and familiar, a piece of Valley and his friendships that he’d made at college. When I leave, he’ll go out more and make friends, meet new people. He’ll start his new life here, and then will he still want this?
I don’t answer, and he nods slowly. “Guess that’s my answer.”
He sits up. “We’re good together. I’ve never had this with anyone. Ever. Maybe it doesn’t fit into whatever box you’re trying to force it in, but it doesn’t make it any less.”
“Johnny, I—” My voice cracks as I realize he’s not just talking about me right now. I’ve done exactly what his dad does to him—made him feel like he isn’t good enough.
He holds up a hand and moves toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to take a walk. Believe it or not, sometimes I do know when to walk away.”
I go to bed feeling like an ass, hoping he comes back. He does two hours later. The bed dips with his weight, and he lies beside me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Me too.” His mouth slants over mine. And then there are no more words. We spend the rest of the night speaking our love language of kisses and touches that make promises and dreams neither of us dares to say out loud.
35
Johnny
Monday morning,I stare down at the picture I took of Dakota in Vegas draped all over me, and then I glance over at where she sleeps on the other side of the bed currently. Yesterday we spent the day with Sienna and Rhett, and last night instead of rehashing our shit, we fell into bed and had sex instead.
I want this to work. I’ll give her whatever she wants. She wants a diamond ring and an elaborate proposal? I’m on it. She’ll never even see it coming. In fact, I’m a little pissed at myself for not going bigger the first time. I was in the moment, a little drunk, and I just wanted her to be mine.
But, as soon as she goes to work, let the planning begin. The most epic of proposals. I’m thinking something big. I’ll make a movie trailer starring our friends, rent out a theater, fly in everyone, and have five or six different rings for her to pick from. No, something even bigger. I’ll work out the details later.
