Page 184 of Most Valuable Players
I barely ate earlier and my stomach growls at the delicious smell of pumpkin and nutmeg. “In that case, I want two slices.”
* * *
Momand I eat pie curled up on her king-size bed. As I lay there, I can still smell my dad in their room and wonder if she can too. I’m sad, but I know my parents didn’t come to this decision lightly, so I do my best to not let it show too much.
Mom falls asleep right after the movie, and I head to my own room. The guys aren’t back, and the last text Heath sent said he thought they were in for a late night.
Adam’s always been my protector. I never thought I’d need to repay the favor, but it seems like now might be the time. I can be the strong one this time.
I doze off sometime after one and wake up to the bed dipping with Heath’s weight. His familiar scent mixed with alcohol wraps around me.
“You’re back,” I say, voice thick with sleep. “How’s Adam?”
“Took all three of us to get him upstairs. Rauthruss is sleeping on the floor in there to keep an eye on him.”
“I’m really glad you were here.”
“Me too.” He pulls me tight against him and rubs my back in long, soft strokes. “How are you doing? I hated not being here for you tonight.”
“Well, I’ve had better Thanksgivings, but I ate my weight in pie, so I’m okay for the moment. It doesn’t feel real yet. Twenty-three years… can you imagine?”
His head shakes almost imperceptibly. The TV is still on and his face illuminates with flashing colors. His warmth heats the space between us.
“You can turn off the TV if it bugs you,” I tell him.
“It doesn’t bother me, and I know you prefer it.”
“Being scared of the dark is embarrassing. Maybe even more embarrassing than my parents announcing they’re separating over Thanksgiving dinner, but I’ve gotten used to sleeping without the TV since going to Valley.”
“I realize it probably doesn’t help, but you don’t need to feel embarrassed in front of me. Not for any of it.”
“It does help, actually. Thank you. What also might help is knowing your deepest darkest secrets and fears.”
He chuckles. “I’m scared of all kinds of things.”
“Like?”
“Worms.”
“What?” I laugh. “Why worms?”
He shudders. “We used them for bait when fishing. I never liked touching them and once Nathan noticed, he started chasing me around dangling the little slimy fuckers in front of my face.” He shudders again.
“Worms are gross but not scary.”
“Fears don’t have to be rational.”
“That’s true.”
“Why are you scared of the dark? Did something happen or have you always been?”
“When I was five or six, me and Adam were playing at my grandparent’s house. It was this old house with creaky wooden floors and doors that somehow no longer fit the frame, so you had to put all your weight into them to close. They had this great back yard with a treehouse and a trampoline. Before my grandmother passed away, the whole family on my dad’s side would get together. The adults would sit outside in lawn chairs and the kids could run wild.”
“Sounds like something out of a fifties TV show.”
“Well, it wasn’t quite that idyllic. Uncle Walter showed up stoned more often than not, and my cousin Tillie was always teaching us Urban Dictionary slang. My mom almost had a stroke with some of the words I learned. Anyway, one day, the whole family was over there, I think it was one of my cousin’s birthdays. Everyone was outside and the cousins decided we would play hide and seek. I’m the baby of the family and I really wanted to prove that I was a good hider, so I’d been scoping out places for weeks and finally found the best hiding spot. In the pantry there was this extra closet where grandma kept brooms and mops. It was really small, and I knew I was the only one who could fit in it and that no one else would think to look there. So, when everyone took off to hide, I hung back so not to give away my spot and then went and shut myself in.”
Heath strokes my arm as my voice wavers. Part of the memory is so real I can almost smell the dust and Pledge mixture of that tiny closet. Other things I only remember like I watched someone else go through it, like the way I wrapped my arms around myself, squeezing tight and sobbing through the screams.
