Page 57 of Wild Ever After
“A line for sure, but it was probably true.”
We flip the cards again. My muscles are starting to tense. I know the question is coming about my mom and how I went to live with my grandparents. It isn’t something I’ve shared with many people.
When she wins again, I don’t wait for her to ask.
“My mom died of an overdose.”
The smile on her face is gone in an instant.
“Sorry. I just know it’s what you want to know and figured I’d tell you instead of drawing it out.” I tap my finger on the side of my beer.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. “I wasn’t going to ask. I did want to know, but I decided about five cards ago that it wasn’t really my business.”
“Oh.”
“Do you want to tell me about her?”
I guess I do because the next words out of my mouth are, “I was at school. I’d won some stupid math competition and couldn’t wait to tell her about it. When I got off the bus, cop cars and an ambulance were outside the apartment. I just knew. I think maybe I always knew, even as a real little kid, that it wasn’t a cycle she was going to stop. She wanted to for me, but not for herself. I think you have to want things like that for yourself. My dad, whoever he is, was never part of my life, so I spent a night with a family friend until my grandparents could get to me, then they packed me up and took me with them. That was it.”
“That had to have been awful.” She reaches forward and squeezes my forearm.
“Worse on my grandparents. I think they blamed themselves for not coming to get me sooner, but I don’t. I was what kept her alive that long. In the end though, I wasn’t enough.” My voice breaks on the last word. I couldn’t save her, even though that’s all I wanted to do.
“Declan,” Jade whispers, and then comes to me, crushing the cards between us, wrapping her arms around my neck and basically sitting in my lap. “I’m so sorry. So sorry.”
She leans back and places her palms on either side of my face. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”
I nod because my throat is on fire. I do know it, but I can’t help but play the what-if game.
Her stare moves from my eyes to my lips. Heat swirls in my chest. I close the distance between us, kissing her like I’ve wanted to do for weeks. She gives back just as well, like maybe she’s been consumed with the same desire.
I gather her into my lap with an arm behind her back. Our tongues tangle together in a frantic exploration of the other. She feels so good. Tastes so good.
One of her hands drops to my chest and she uses it to push back. “Wait. Wait. We can’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Guilt washes over me. She’s trying to console me, and I’m taking advantage of her kindness. I lift her from my lap and stand. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just—”
“I know.” I run a hand through my hair. “My brain knows, but the rest of me doesn’t give a shit. I like you. I think you like me. We’re attracted to one another. We’re married.”
“What if we give in and then you stop liking me? This isn’t a normal situation, where we can just walk away.”
Jesus, she’s already thinking about the end, and we haven’t even had a real beginning.
“I’m not walking away. No matter what. I already told you that.”
She bites the corner of her lip, and I can tell by her expression that there’s no convincing her that this ends any way but with us causing more of a mess. Maybe she’s right.
“I’m gonna go to bed,” I say.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“No. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.” I take a step out of the room, then turn to face her. “Night, Jade. I’ll see you in the morning.”
21
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF WOMAN YOU ARE
