Page 104 of Wild Ever After
I have no idea what to say. It feels like a punch straight through the chest. I’ve fallen in love with her. I’m not looking at the end of our agreement like my out. I’m in this.
“Say something, please,” she says.
“If you do the show, what does that look like?” I wave a hand around the room. “Cameras following us around everywhere we go and in our home?”
“Just me, but yes.”
“Like I don’t live here too,” I mutter. I’d have to tiptoe around my own damn house.
“We can set boundaries. Olivia promised that you wouldn’t need to appear in any shots if you weren’t on board and that it wouldn’t disrupt your schedule.”
“Jesus, you’re seriously considering this?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Yes. I don’t know. It feels like I should if you’re not completely opposed.”
My brain spins, trying to decide if I’m wrong for not wanting her to do this.
“I know that you don’t like it, but can you at least think about how good this could be for me?”
“What about your job at the magazine?”
“I would keep it, at least until I figure out my next move.”
“I’ll give you the money right now. Take time off, write a book or whatever you want. You don’t need to do this.”
“I don’t want your money.” Her voice rises. “I want to do this on my own. I want to be something. This feels like my shot. I know you don’t want this thing between us to interfere with hockey, but maybe we can work it so that it doesn’t?”
I turn and run a hand through my hair.
She circles around me. “You’re telling me that you didn’t make sacrifices to get where you are?”
“It isn’t the same and you know it.”
“I can’t take back the mistakes I’ve made. I’m here and I’m just trying to make the most of it.”
“We’re a mistake now?”
“No.” She reaches for my arm, but I pull away.
“You’re choosing to let someone else help you, when I’m offering. I don’t get it. Iwantto help you and I’m not going to make you sell your soul or dignity to do it.”
“My dignity?” She looks downright pissed off. I guess that makes two of us.
“I love you!” I basically bellow the words at her.
Her wild eyes grow larger, and her mouth hangs slightly open, but she says nothing.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.This is not how I saw this morning going. It isn’t how I wanted to tell her that I love her and want to plan a future together. But from the look on her face and lack of response, we aren’t on the same page anyway.
Letting out a breath, I say, “I’m gonna take a walk.”
“Wait.” Desperation clings to her voice.
I stop in my tracks and look back at her. Her eyes plead with me, but she doesn’t say anything else.
“You can do whatever you want, Jade. You obviously have a plan for your life. Just do me a favor and figure out if I’m in it.”
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