Page 107 of Tempting the Player
“A while,” he admits. “You should have texted. I could have picked you up.”
“I know, but he was driving right by the house anyway.” I wrap my arms around his waist. I don’t even care that he’s all sweaty. These long rehearsal evenings have seriously gotten in the way of spending time with him.
It took a lot of convincing to get him to agree that he didn’t need to stay at every rehearsal. And I’m glad that he’s had more free time to spend with his brothers and train for the upcoming season, but I miss him.
“Is this what you look like during the season?” I drag both palms over his pecs.
He snorts a laugh.
“Speaking of, how are you feeling about the tryout?”
“I don’t know. Weird, I guess. I’m still not sure it’s the right thing to do. It feels too late for a comeback.”
“If anyone can do it, you can. If you ask me, I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity. Plus, you’ve worked really, really hard for this. You deserve it.”
He doesn’t look convinced.
“If you’re worried about me, I can easily replace you. Though I will miss you.” I lean forward and brush my lips against his.
He chuckles softly as he kisses me back, but it lacks some of the enthusiasm I’ve come to love in his kisses.
“Your brothers will be okay too. Knox is already planning your going away party.”
He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, I bet he is.”
“What’s really going on? You’ve been quieter since you found out you were invited for this tryout. I thought you’d be more excited.”
He steps away and pulls off his wraps, tossing them onto the workbench.
I follow him. “I know you want to be here for your brothers and for me, but I think some part of you wants to be back there too. As you should. You worked hard to get where you are. It’s a big deal. I get that. So do your brothers.”
He runs a hand through his hair and then faces me. “What if I chose wrong all those years ago?”
“By following your dreams?”
“My dreams?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know if football was ever really my dream. I liked playing, don’t get me wrong, but more than anything, it was a way out. I couldn’t wait to leave Valley. This place felt like a prison after my mom died. Our dad always came in and out of our lives, but with him as the only parent, the responsibility of looking after my brothers fell on me.” His jaw flexes and his body is wound tight. “I resented it. I just wanted to be a normal high school kid.”
I take his hand and squeeze. My heart breaks for him. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to lose his mom and then not have his dad around either, but I know that he took on that role for his brothers with the same determination that he does all things.
“So when I got a full-ride scholarship to play college football, I told myself that things with Dad weren’t so bad. I’d survived it and they would too. It was hard on them when I left, but I let myself believe that in the end it was going to work out.” He pauses, but his chest still heaves with frustration and self-loathing. “I don’t know how much Dad was around in those first two years that I was gone, but during Christmas break of my sophomore year, I came home and saw just how bad things were. The house needed repairs, they were behind on bills, and Dad was nowhere to be found. When I pressed Knox, he said it’d been months since they’d seen him.Months.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat.
“Knox was barely eighteen. He wasn’t any more ready to step up than I had been, but he did because I wasn’t there. He dropped out of high school and got a job so he could keep everyone together. I saw how that impacted him. He wanted out of Valley as bad as I had, but he stayed because he was all they had.” His face twists with pain. “I went back to college after break, told my coach I wanted to enter the draft, and a few months later I was signing with the Rams. I told myself it was for them. I was going to get a big paycheck that would help keep them together and in the house where we grew up, plus pay for whatever else they needed. But I think more than that I just didn’t want to come back and get stuck here like Knox had.”
“You made the best decision you could at the time. A decision that no kid should have to make.”
“For me. I made the best decisionfor me. Knox resents me. Flynn barely knows me. Archer and Brogan settled for going to Valley when they could have taken scholarships somewhere else. All of them paid the price so I could have what I wanted.”
“You don’t know that. I’ve spent a lot of time with your brothers. They love you. Flynn looks up to you so much, Archer and Brogan seem pretty happy here for two guys you claim settled, and Knox...well, Knox is Knox. I have a feeling he’d find something to be angry about no matter what choice you’d made. You have to stop beating yourself up. You can’t change what happened.”
“I know,” he says quietly. “But I can make a better decision now.”
That he’s even considering giving up his life to come back and try to rewrite the past says more than I think he realizes. But I know Hendrick well enough that I know he isn’t going to stop punishing himself just because I tell him he’s off the hook.
“Do me a favor?”
He nods slightly.
