Page 118 of Burnout
I open my mouth to protest, but Flynn’s voice cuts through the room. “He’s right.”
I stand and face him. His reddish-brown hair is a mess on his head, and I don’t think he’s changed clothes in several days. The sling on his right arm holds it close to his body. Over the last year he’s started to fill out and he’s this odd combination of man andboy. I’m relieved in some ways that he’s going to graduate and become an adult, but in other ways I’m sad and more anxious about him making all his own decisions and not needing me anymore.
“You’ve done so much for me and I will always be grateful, but hanging around here isn’t going to fix my elbow. I’ve held you back for so long. Please don’t let me be the reason you lose another team.”
“Your elbow will be fine,” I tell him because I can see that flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. “And I want to be here for you. It’s not a burden.You’renot a burden.”
He shuffles his feet and won’t quite meet my gaze, so I step forward and duck my head so he can’t avoid me. “Do you hear me? You are not a fucking burden.”
“But you would have left Valley years ago if it weren’t for me.” There’s a hint of a teenage whine in his voice.
“Maybe I would have, but you’re my family. I’d do anything for you.”
“Then do this for me,” Flynn says, voice small. “I can’t stand the thought of you missing this opportunity. You were born to do this. No one deserves it more.”
I hear him. I hear all of them, but I’m still uneasy about leaving.
“It’s what we all want,” Archer says. He walks over to our youngest brother and places an arm around his neck gingerly, avoiding jostling his hurt arm. “We’ll send hourly updates on Flynn if that’s what you want.”
Brogan rubs his hands together. “I love it when the group chat is popping off. New group name: Baby Holland Updates.”
Hendrick laughs and shakes his head. The tension in the room dissipates with the sound.
They’re all looking at me expectantly. An anxious and excited energy works its way under my skin.
“You’re sure?” I ask them. “I can put off going another week, maybe two, or I can see about bringing my training to Valley full-time.” Other guys have done it. I could hire the help I need with my training and check in virtually with my team. Assuming they’ll sign off on it. It means not getting as much face time with my coaches and teammates, but I could manage.
“Positive,” Hendrick says.
Archer and Brogan nod. I look back to Flynn.
“Positive,” he echoes.
“If something comes up or you change your mind. If you need anything?—”
“We will text you,” Archer cuts me off.
“Holland Brothers Emergency Hotline.” Brogan throws out another group text name idea with a smile.
“We’ve got you. Go and kick some ass.” Hendrick closes the distance between us and hugs me.
Brogan joins in a second later. “Holland Brothers Hugs & Kisses.”
I hear Archer snort a laugh as he comes on my other side.
“If you kiss me, I’m going to kick you in the balls,” Hendrick mutters to him.
And then Flynn quietly wraps his good arm around my back.
I get to New Mexico Tuesday afternoon. I spent the entirety of the five-hour drive wondering if I’m making the right choice and was half-tempted to turn around. The only thing stopping me was Flynn’s voice in my head telling me I was born to do this. I hope he’s right.
There’s lots of time to make up for and my new team doesn’t miss a beat. Days blur together with practices and makingadjustments to my bike. Burt has put together a great group. We mesh and see eye-to-eye on so many things. It gives me a lot of hope for the season.
At night when I finally have a chance to sit still for a moment, I call Flynn and check in on everything in Valley.
“Sitting on the bench is so frustrating,” he says late Friday night. My eyes burn with exhaustion. “I just want to be out there. We lost by two points. Two!”
The season is coming to an end and he’s not going to be back in time to help his team. I know how tough that is. “Baseball will be starting soon though.”
