Page 116 of Stealing for Keeps
“I know that I didn’t owe it to Vaughn, but I should have talked to him anyway. He and I have so much history.”
“And you and Austin?”
“I don’t know. It all feels so complicated now.”
“High school is complicated.”
“Is it, or do we just make it that way?” I shake my head. “The last few months have been some of the worst and best, and I can’t help but wonder if the good only felt that way because the lows were so low.”
“Yeah, I can see where you might feel that way. You’ve been dealing with a lot.”
“Or not dealing,” I say quietly. “It hit me this morning. The semester is half-over, and I have no better idea what I’m going to do about college next year than I did two months ago.”
She smiles. “You’re doing amazing if you ask me. Honestly, some days I don’t know how you’re still standing. Skating was your whole world. You had your entire life planned around it. So if you want to keep avoidingthe future, I say that’s A-OK. You’ll figure it out in time. College isn’t everything.”
I snort. That is basically the opposite of the pep talk my mom has been giving me since I hurt my foot.
“Don’t let your mom get you panicked. Your grades are fine, and plenty of schools don’t care about having dozens of extracurriculars and awards.”
“I know you’re right.”
She smiles smugly.
“But it’s not just her. I want to find other things to do. You have cheer and student council. Andie has theater. Everyone has found their place, and I’m just floating aimlessly.”
She comes over to the couch and takes the spot next to me. Lacey folds her legs underneath her so she can sit facing me.
“What if I don’t ever find something I love as much as I did skating?” My throat tightens. I’d give anything to just perform one last time to soak up the feeling and bottle it in my heart forever.
“You will,” she insists. “Do you remember when we went to that adventure summer camp the summer before fifth grade?”
“Vaguely,” I say, thinking back on it. We slept in cabins and did outdoor things each day like hiking and kayaking, archery and other things. I only went because Lacey’s mom signed her up, and she convinced me it’d be fun if we did it together. I was not a fan of the outdoors—I’m still not—but Lacey was very persuasive. Also still true.
“Remember how miserable we were on day one?”
“Sort of.”
“But by the end of the week, we didn’t want to leave. And you got really good at reading a compass.”
“I think I blocked it. All I remember is staying up all night talking in our bunk beds.” I smile. That part was fun. It was like a weeklong sleepover.
“My point is love isn’t always automatic. Maybe whatever you fall in love with next is going to take a little bit of patience and practice.”
“A lot of practice.” I sigh. “I spent so much time figure skating, I’m basically terrible at everything else.”
“Not true. You’re a great friend.”
“So are you. I don’t think I would have made it these past few months without you.”
I abandoned my phone earlier on the coffee table, and it buzzes now with a text.
Lacey looks over at the screen and then smiles. “Your boyfriend is checking up on you. The new one, not the old one.”
I push at her shoulder lightly. “Not funny.”
Her voice softens. “These last few months, I’ve seen you smile a lot, and most of it has been because of him. I don’t think that’s because you were feeling low. He really likes you, and I think you really like him.”
“I do,” I agree. I’m just not sure if it’s enough.
