Page 118 of Stealing for Keeps
I chuckle lightly, but the knot in my chest tightens. “I don’t know. Maybe we should wait until things die down a bit.”
He gives me a weird look.
“I just don’t want you to get in more trouble because of me. Vaughn, Coach, your sister…”
“That’s not on you. None of it. I take full responsibility, and I’d do it again.”
I know he would, which is scary. I don’t want him to screw up his opportunity with the team and make a mess of his family.
“Look, it’s okay. I need to figure some things out for me anyway. I’ve been spending so much time with you and putting off dealing with everything else. I don’t want to keep doing that. It’s time to pick myself up and move on.”
He looks so hurt that I have to hold my ground instead of hugging him. I need him to hear me first.
“You don’t want to keep seeing each other because Vaughn is pissed? He’s always pissed.”
“No, that’s not it.” I take a breath. “You need to fix things with the team and your sister. I need to fix myself. Maybe it’s better if we each focus on ourselves, just for now. I would never forgive myself if being with me cost you opportunities with soccer or created a rift between you and your sister. Maybe you can’t see it right now, but us being together is causing problems for you. Even without the tension between you and Vaughn. You missed practice this morning. You never would have done that.”
“You’re right. There is a small circle of people who mean enough to me that I’d risk it, but you’re one of them. I don’t regret it.”
“And that means so much to me. I can’t even begin to tell you.” I think of all the times Vaughn put me second. All I wanted was someone to put me first, but now that it’s happened, I don’t think I can stand by and watch him do it. Not at this cost.
“Does it?”
“You are so talented, and you deserve to have everythingyou want. I know how much soccer and your family mean to you. I would give anything to still be able to chase my dreams. I can’t stand by and watch you risk losing yours.” My chest feels like it’s going to crack down the middle as I say each word, but if I can save him from the heartbreak I felt after losing skating, then I will. I never want anyone else to feel that. Especially him.
“I can’t believe this,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be a choice. I can chase my dreams and be with you. You’re not a risk. And if you are, then fine, I choose that risk. I choose you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.” My voice is a whisper. He thinks he understands what it feels like to lose the very core of who you are, but he doesn’t.
“I like you. I really,reallyfucking like you. I like you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes. I thought…” He trails off. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I thought you felt the same way, but I guess not.”
I want to tell him that he’s wrong. I do feel that way about him, but if I do, I’m afraid he’ll stay.
“I guess I’ll see you around.” He pauses at the door like he’s waiting for me to tell him not to go.
I don’t. And then he’s gone.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Austin
Today sucked.
I spent Saturday night and Sunday feeling sorry for myself, but when I woke up this morning, I thought,Maybe today won’t be so bad. Maybe it was all one big nightmare.Wishful thinking.
I toss my bag on the floor in the kitchen and grab a water glass from the cabinet. Torrance comes in as I’m gulping it down. Coach made us run for most of practice, and when we weren’t running, we were doing push-ups.
Dad had to leave again for work, so at least I don’t have him frowning at me. I’ve never been glad for him to be gone before, but when he left last night, I felt relief that there was one less person in the state of Michigan who was disappointed in me.
“Can we talk?” my sister asks, lingering in the space between the living room and kitchen.
Instead of answering, I arch a brow and set my empty glass in the sink. I have a feeling this day is about to get worse—something I didn’t think was possible two seconds ago.
“I know you’re pissed at me, but I wanted to say I’m sorry. It was a crappy thing to do, outing you in front of your friends and teammates.” It sounds like an apology that Mom wrote for her.
“You’re sorry,” I repeat flatly. “Now that my life is turned completely upside down, you’ve found a crumb of empathy. How nice for me.”
My sarcasm gets exactly the reaction I expected from her. She rolls her eyes.
