Page 5 of Come Alive
Kazi bent down, scooping up the test.
“I peed on that,” I told him, not meeting his eyes.
“I know.” He flipped it, took in the word listed, and snapped his attention to me. The ghost of a smile skirting across his features, but he suppressed it. “What do you need?”
Kazi gently rested the test on the bathroom counter, opening his arms. Offering his solace.
Kazi knew better than to ask if I was okay. He always knew exactly what I needed. Even in this moment.
Especiallyin this moment.
Throwing myself at him, I sunk into the comfort he provided. The familiarity. The anchor that would not allow any waves to take me into the endless sea of anxieties.
“What am I supposed to do?” I exhaled into his chest.
He cradled me closer to him, resting his chin on my head.
“Whatever you want,jagiya,” Kazi murmured calmly, rubbing circles on my back.
“First you run into the bathroom with Kazi and zero explanation. And then you slam the door in my face. It’s time you two tell me what’s going on!” Mateo shouted through the door, followed by a fist slamming into it.
“Give us a minute!” Kazi snapped. He gently pulled us apart, gathered my face in his soft hands and forced me to meet his gaze.
I wanted more than anything to run. To hide from this. But I couldn’t. “I’m pregnant.”
“You are,” Kazi agreed softly.
“I don’t know whose it is.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Kazi whispered, lowering ever so slowly towards my lips until we breathed the same breath. “If you decide this is what you want? This will be my child. Our child. We will raise them together, and I will not disappear. DNA does not determine family, my jagiya.”
And then he surged forward, soft pillowy lips compressing against mine. His hold on me shifting. One hand wrapping around my back, another tangling in my hair, angling my head.
My eyes shut on their own. Falling into him, I allowed Kazi to digest the chaos that threatened to eat me alive.
I can’t be a mom. I can’t do this. I’m not ready…
But I wouldn’t ever be ready. Trauma and abuse had warped my opinion on families, and I knew with certainty I would never have chosen this path.
But in some fucked up way, it chose me.
Finally, gasping, Kazi and I broke apart.
“I need to talk to James.In person.”
Kazi shifted his attention over my shoulder. “I can’t leave town yet. You’ll have to go without me.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and furrowing his brows.
A blanket of unease fell over my body, weighing me down instantly. My eyes flickered around the room, landing on a mirror.
I couldn’t help the way seeing my appearance affected me. A thousand evil words tumbling through my mind of all the imperfections that were visible, of the ones that weren’t.
How I tensed entirely. How my mind began to SCREAM at me that I wasn’t enough. That I was ugly. Inside and out. Whispers in my ears that my pregnancy would only make it worse.
“Miss Yara!” Kazi’s warm hands landed on my shoulders, shaking me. “Snap out of it!”
My gaze found his. My cheeks heated in shame and embarrassment.
“I—” I attempted to find a lie to explain my reaction, but Kazi shook his head.
