Page 18 of Fixer
“See?”Zay pointed out the window.“Go run with your furry friends and leave me to my feeling superior to stupid people.”
“Ah.The real reason you like that show.”
Zay grinned and stuffed more fried potatoes into his mouth.
I was hit with a wave of nostalgia.That was what my childhood was like— Mom the human bondmate telling Dad and teenaged me to go do wolfy things and let her lie on the couch with a good book for a change.The same teasing, the same underlying affection.I want that.If Shawn at twenty-two had managed to find his someone, surely I could.
I want that with Wade.Down inside, my wolf raised his head in agreement.
Refusing to check to my right and see what Wade might be thinking about his brother and his brother’s all-but-mate, I focused my attention on fueling my body for a shift and a run.
We retreated to our respective rooms.I tried not to listen to the others as I prepared to shift.Out of respect for Zay, Wade and I were getting naked behind closed doors, but that didn’t change the fact that weweregetting naked with only a thin wall between us, and wolf ears were sharp.From Wade’s room, I could make out a rustle of falling fabric, the click of a belt buckle, the pad of bare feet, and made myself ignore those sounds.Made myself not picture the stunningly attractive man I’d already seen dressed only in his underwear…Stop.I folded my clothes on the chair, dropped the quilt onto the floor for comfort, and lay down on it.
As I began to shift, a different eagerness took over.I’m going to run in fur with Wade.One huge advantage of the apple orchard was that the property bordered another extensive farm property, and behind that lay wild indigenous lands.I ran out there with Shawn whenever I visited and enjoyed the freedom to stretch my legs, but that excellent terrain was only a fraction of my anticipation now.
Two wolves to run with.Packmates.Wade.As soon as I gathered enough shift-energy, my wolf rose immediately, sweeping through me, eager and full of delight.
The world narrowed down to my shift, and the aching, stretching, grinding transformation of bone and muscle.Pack.Run.I didn’t have to reach for my wolf-self.He was already there, leaping through me, becoming me, nose twitching for the scent of pack, ears tuned for whines and the click of nails.I was on all four feet, shaking my coat into place, faster than I’d ever shifted before.
When I nudged the cracked-ajar door open and let myself out, I was the first in fur.Zay sat in an armchair in their living room and he gave me a wave, but I scented a hint of nervousness.He’d seen me in fur before, but not often, not recently, and I was much bigger than Shawn.I lay down and wagged my tail, hoping to make him more comfortable.
Wade and Shawn emerged at the same time.Shawn turned to Zay, sniffed, then put himself between Zay and me, and growled softly.
My wolf thought the challenge was funny, but I knew Shawn’s wolf was being protective of his mate.I set my chin on the floor and continued wagging.After a second, Shawn paced over to Zay, set his front paws on his chest, and licked his face.
“Yuck.”Zay wiped his cheek with his sleeve.“Go run.Bring home a rabbit or two if you want rabbit stew.Go on.”
Shawn nudged open the kitchen door and made Wade and me go through first, not leaving his human mate alone in the house with us.Which was fair enough.We weren’t really pack, and no matter how well he knew us, protecting your mate was instinct.Once we slunk through the shadows to the nearest trees, he took the lead.
My wolf wanted to challenge him for that leader’s spot, but I held back.Running side by side with Wade was a joy, and Shawn knew the terrain.He led us through scrubby woodlands and denser forest at an easy lope.I breathed the clean air, feeling my lungs expand at the scent of pine and juniper, leaf mulch and rich earth.And of Wade— his wolf at my shoulder, the exhale of his breath, the lupine musk of his fur.So good.
We reached a wilder area, and Shawn picked up the pace, accelerating from a lope to a run, then to an all-out sprint.
You’re on.Wade and I stuck to his tail, and when the dense forest opened out to a rockier rise, we both put on speed.Shawn was game but younger, with shorter legs and fewer years of experience running on all kinds of ground.I barreled past him with Wade right on my heels, heading uphill.
We approached the edge of the trees and I changed route to cling to cover, not sure how many humans might wander this part of the country.In the dim evening light, we’d probably pass as dogs or wild wolves, but not if someone got a good measure of our size.Shawn’s smaller bulk gave him an advantage in the scrubby woodland edge, dodging between spindly trunks and underbrush, and he passed Wade, but I held him off.When we reached a granite outcropping, I leaped to the top and stopped, panting.
Wade jumped up beside me, brushing my shoulder with his in a light challenge he didn’t follow through on.Instead, he lay at my feet.Shawn’s leap fell a little short, and he had to scrabble to reach the top, throwing me an eye-roll before he too lay down.
I gazed out across the short slope that led to more leafy woods, standing with my almost-pack at my feet.In that moment, I was more content than I’d been in all the years I could remember.Here, with these two, I could be totally myself, nothing suppressed, no parts of me disconnected from the whole.Wolf and human and gay.
I ducked and nipped Wade’s ear, getting him to growl, twist, and close his jaw on my leg.Not hard.Play, not threat.Touch, wolf-to-wolf, that I hadn’t had in far too long.I lay down between Wade and Shawn, my furry sides against theirs, and blinked in the moonlight as an owl called from the trees below.
When we’d rested, we headed toward home, travelling more slowly.This time Wade took the lead, with Shawn at his shoulder, and me bringing up the rear, guarding them.If we physically fought for rank, I’d beat Shawn.Could beat Wade, though I wasn’t sure I’d want to.While my pack instincts yearned for the ease and simplicity of Alpha, Second, and Third, there was a different pleasure in being three independent people.Choosing my role, moment to moment.
We caught a couple of rabbits for Zay, close to home, and left them in the kitchen sink.Then each of us retreated to our rooms to change and get ready for bed.Without trying to eavesdrop, I could hear Shawn and Zay talking lightly once he’d completed his shift.Sounded like running with his brother again had been a joy for Shawn…They needed to clean those rabbits and refrigerate them… Followed by a kiss and soft murmurs, which I envied.
I’m getting sappy.I almost dressed fully and left the house.I fought the impulse to go out running again, alone, to regain my solitude.Maybe running would help me find that cold place in my head where I didn’t care about anyone but myself.Instead, I pulled on my underwear, got into bed, and put my pillow over my head.Two short nights and a nice long run made it possible for me to fall asleep.Eventually.
Wade and I spent the next day helping out around the farm.Since the product depended on apple trees and berry bushes, there was no spring planting to be done, but that didn’t mean there was no work.Mid-afternoon, I found myself next to Wade, scrubbing out empty apple bins in the storage shed.
“I kept waking up last night,” Wade said, “thinking I’d only imagined Shawn was here.A dream, like it’d been for the last seven years.Each time, I’d hear him through the wall, smell his presence in the house, but the nightmares kept coming back.It’s good to dig in and do some work.Makes things real.”
“What do you think?’I asked.“Could you do this work all day long?”
“For today, to help Shawn?Sure.Forever?”He hefted a bucket of dirty water.“Not if I can help it.”
“Figures, since you’re an artist.”
