Page 34 of Fixer
“I can help now.Show me.”I appreciated the distraction.
She led me into her neat little apartment.The window sure was stuck, but applying the right force at the right angle let me get it started.This was not my first warped old wooden sash in this building.I forced the pane high enough to reach into the tracks.“Ivory bar soap.That’s a good option for getting wooden windows to slide smoother.Cleaning helps too, but for now, bar soap.”
“I think I have a bit.”She hustled off to the bathroom and came back with a sliver of a bar.I spent a few minutes working a thin layer into the tracks, and then making sure we hadn’t overdone lubrication to where the pane would come crashing down.
When I was finished, she thanked me, then eyed me, her head cocked to the side.“Is that friend Dustin of yours going to stay with you for a while?”
“I don’t know.”Some of my pleasure at being useful faded.“We’re working on some things.He has a place in Chicago.”
“That’s not so far.”She patted my arm.“I’m sure you boys will work it out.”
“Work what out?”
“Living together.I’ve seen how that young man looks at you when you’re not noticing.Like you hung the moon.He’s totally gone for you.”
Shock rocked me back on my heels.“He’s what?No, you’re mistaken.”
“Oh, Wade, dear.You don’t have to pretend with me.My younger brother Danny wasthat way.He had a special friend, too.A neighbor boy named Luke.They were happy for a few years.”
“What happened?”I didn’t want to know, but couldn’t help asking.A fight?Bigotry?Murder?
Her eyes went sad.“The war happened, dear.They both went off to fight.Only Luke made it home, and he was never the same afterward.”
“Oh.”We’d had Korea more recently, and had barely pulled our boys home from that Vietnam mess, but to people her age, there was only one “war.”Several of our older wolves had fought in Italy, France, Germany, and even the Pacific, and our losses haunted them too.“I’m sorry you lost your brother.”
“Thank you.That was years ago.I want you to take it as a warning, Wade.If Danny hadn’t been brave enough to go after Luke, they wouldn’t have had the years they did.Yes, their love ended in tragedy, but before that, theylived.I envied them the relationship they had together.I found my Steven, and we were very happy for thirty-one years, but we never lived for each other like those two did.”
“That’s…” My voice trailed off as I realized I’d missed the chance to say,“No, I’m not gay,”and be believed.“I’m glad they had that time.”
“You’re not young forever, and life only gives you so many chances.Don’t waste one.You’ve been too alone these last five years.”
“Uh, I’ve dated women.”
“Not one you brought home.Not one who made you happy like the last week, or made you smile like you did when you caught him looking your way at that meeting.”
“I didn’t.”Surely I was more careful than that.
“You’re allowed to be happy, Wade.There are people who may turn up their noses, but I think your Dustin’s big enough and you’re tough enough not to care.”
He’s not my Dustin.But her acceptance and support felt too wonderful to reject.I could admit now I’d wondered what the people in this building would think if they found out I’d had sex with a man.That I wanted nothing more than to do it again.No doubt there were bigots here.Fifteen apartments, twenty-nine people counting the kids.Had to be a few, but if Mrs.French supported us, we’d be fine.
“Thank you,” I told her.“Now you let me know if you have any more trouble with that window.”
“I will.You go run whatever errand I distracted you from.”
“Sure thing.”
I jogged down the stairs in a bit of a daze.I’d vaguely imagined someday, bringing a wife back here with me, but that image hadn’t felt real.I’d dated women, enjoyed women, but there wasn’t one I’d wanted to let into my private life.I didn’t bring them home, I didn’t tell them about my brother, and it’d be years of marriage, if ever, before I could share the truth of my species with them.
Dustin changed everything, like a blast of fresh air through my life.Shawn was alive, Dustin had seen every bit of my apartment and sucked me off in my bedroom, and we’d run in fur together.He fit in my narrow bed— well, just barely.He expanded my narrow life, cracking me open, taking down the walls I’d built tight around me.
I’m falling for him.It seemed both fast, and inevitable.Just days since I’d thought I hated him, and yet every good memory of the old pack was tinged with Dustin’s presence.As a crush, as a friend, then a deadly enemy, but always so important.
Driven by a sudden impulse, I left the building and started off at a jog down the street.Still April, but the sun was warm on my shoulders, and my muscles loosened as I ran.After about five miles, I went into a little corner market and begged change for a few dollars, paying them a dollar’s commission.Then, my pockets jingling, I headed to the payphone on the corner two blocks down.
The phone at the apple farm rang and rang, but when I was about to give up, Zay answered, a little breathless.“Meadow Cider.How can I help you?”
“Um, it’s Wade.Is Shawn around?”
