Page 98 of Change My Mind
A rough, near-grunt of a laugh escaped me. “See, mine would be Rachel. She would wait until after the body is gone to start questioning you. But in the moment, she would buckle down and get shit done.”
Eli nodded. “What was your first impression of me?”
It was my turn to think about my answer as I slowly chewed pasta.
“I’ve got two. I thought teenage-you was a dickhead for no reason other than the fact that you had the nerve to be as smart as me. I thought adult-you was great, and unfairly attractive. I still think that about you,” I admitted quietly. “You ever sent a nude?” I asked, desperate to keep the conversation we were circling at bay for just a little bit longer.
“Never anything that visibly had my dick in it,” he answered quickly. “You can only have morning sex or late-night sex for the rest of your life, which are you picking?”
“Late night. Never get a hand job again, or never get a blow job again?”
“I can live without blow jobs. Wouldyouever send a nude?”
“To the right person, maybe. You can only cook one dish for all eternity. What are you picking?”
Eli waved his fork around, pasta skewered onto it. “This dish right here.”
“Why?” I asked, confused. Yes, Eli made the pesto, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a complicated dish to make. Eli loved cooking, so to only cook this for all eternity seemed unlike him.
“It’s your favourite.”
Fifty-Nine
ELI
Addie was looking at me like I had grown an extra head. It was almost funny. Her mouth kept trying and failing to find the words.
“But this dish is so boring,” she said eventually, her voice full of disbelief, but the barest of blushes tinted her cheeks.
“It’s simple. Not boring. Never boring. I cook for a living. I feed a lot of people by definition, but I have learned this summer that there is no one I enjoy feeding more than you. And despite everything I have in my wheelhouse to make, this dish right here, or more accurately, this pesto, is the thing you love most. If I am bound for all eternity to only produce one dish, this is the only option.”
My timer went off and I went to take my sponges out of the oven, but not before I noticed tears welling in Addie’s eyes.
By the time I pulled the cake tins out, she had managed to wipe the tears away and was prodding at the pasta again.
“I have made many friends with benefitspacts in my time, and not once have I ever broken the ‘do not fall in love’ rule. It’s been broken a few times, don’t get me wrong. But it’s never been broken byme. Until sometime in August. I think. I spent a lot of last night trying to pinpoint the moment that I realised I was in love with you, and I haven’t nailed it down yet, but August sounds about right,” Addie said quietly. She was mostly talking to the bowl of pasta.
I gently put the cake tins down on the cooling rack. Addie looked up and smiled quietly.
“Falling in love with someone is basically my idea of hell. Which I know sounds drastic, but when you have a front row seat to your mother falling apart because the man she loves is in hospital and things looked dicey for a while, it has a way of altering the way you view things, like romantic love. The idea of opening myself up to that kind of heartbreak made me feel unwell. So I vowed to never do it. And I built up all these solid walls to keep people out, but I left this window open for physical relationships because I could do those on my terms. Every partner I’ve ever had was aware of what they were getting into. No love. And things had been working. Very well.
“Then I came back here, to you, and that all went to shit. You climbed over the walls so stealthily, I didn’t even realise you had done it. Then I’m feeling things like safe and content. And I want to make sure that you’re taken care of and happy. And I’m feeling things, like jealousy!”
I laughed. “Jealous about who?”
“I may or may not have thought that you were dating Steffy,” Addie admitted quietly.
My eyebrows raised in shock. “Steffy? No. She wanted me to help with her Christmas menu, and then we kind of became friends. That was all it’s ever been.”
“Yeah, I know that now! But I only found that out yesterday.”
“You want to talk about jealous? Think about how I feltwhen I saw you with Josh. And that text!” I countered. Addie’s face drained of colour as her mouth opened in shock.
“I was at Becky’s. That was why I didn’t come that night. I didn’t—I wouldn’t have done that to you.”
I smiled. “Yes, well, I know that now. Jesse told me last night.”
“We really fucked this, didn’t we?” she asked.
