Page 20 of Wreckage of Me
Devereaux watches me carefully, mouth set in a straight line.
“I am counting on you, Mr. Knight. I hope Miss Garner will not be a distraction.”
“She won’t be,” I assure him, although I wouldn’t bet money on it. “She’s not,” I repeat, mostly to myself.
“Good.”
With that, Devereaux taps away in his expensive looking loafers until he is completely out of the room.
“Fuck,” I throw my head back and yell at the high ceiling, the sound bouncing off the walls.
“Where are you gonna go once this is over?” Malone’s deep voice calls from behind me.
I turn around just in time to see him taking a seat on the comfortable looking couch I have in the apartment where Devereaux placed me for the last three months. It looks like just another warehouse, but I’m digging the industrial look the more I live in it.
“I have no idea,” I finally answer Malone’s question. “I’ll have no place to go to, I guess,” I shrug in self deprecation.
“You gonna get your kid back?”
“Nah,” I kick at the ground with my steel toed heavy boots. “He’s got a good life with Wyatt.”
The thought is making me both happy and sad. I wish I could give him a happy life in spite of the fact that I never managed to form any sort of bond with him. I was close, I guess. Just not close enough.
“I saw some pictures,” Malone continues making conversation. “He’s a cute little shit. Really loves your new sister-in-law.”
The thought stops me in my tracks, but only because I am confused for a second. What sister-in-law? Then I remember. Wyatt married Alison. Now I have a sister-in-law. Sounds weird as fuck.
“Yeah, they were close before,” I mutter in Malone’s direction. “She’ll take good care of him.” I say it and I believe it. Both she and Wyatt are going to be great parents.
“Better than you?”
“No doubt,” I snort. “I never wanted any kids. Finding out about Ethan…” I sigh and try to think how I can explain any of this. “It freaked me out. I didn’t know what I was going to do with him. Then, I worried…”
“Worried about what?” Malone, with his deep and gravely tone, is like a voice inside my head, keeping me accountable for my actions, making me go through a mental checklist to confirm that I am making the right decisions when it comes to my son, and also when it comes to my life in the club.
“I worried that he wouldn’t survive in the club,” I finally admit. “He reminded me a lot of my brother,” I realize with a start. “Wyatt hated being part of the club. He wanted out. He worked hard to be where he is today.”
Now that I find myself halfway out the door, I can appreciate more all the sacrifices Wyatt had to make to survive in a world he knew nothing about.
“Are you going to be okay without a pack at your back?”
“I… fuck,” I sigh again. I never thought of the ramifications of my actions, what would happen once I was truly out.
For my entire life, I was part of a large group of people who I knew would have my back. We did everything together. Most of my important life decisions were being made by the club. Now that it’s all starting to fade away, leaving me in a brand new world, I am not sure how I will be able to survive on my own. I have some money saved up, so it’s not about that. It’s about the mentality of being alone.
How am I going to handle being alone?
“Shortie’s coming to Montana when this is over,” Malone informs me in an amused tone. “He’s a funny little guy.”
“That he is,” I chuckle out loud. “Very loyal though,” my laugh dies down. “This would’ve been impossible to achieve if I didn’t have him at my back. Him and Sully,” I add.
“Sully’s coming too,” Malone mentions as an after-thought.
“Coming where?”
“Montana,” Malone clarifies. “The boss is gonna get them all set up, work some security maybe,” he shrugs.
“Hmm,” is all I say. It seems like they’re all trying to find their path in life. “Did you bring me the plans of the building?”
