Page 20 of Wreckage of Us
I just bob my head up and down but don’t look at him. I feel so weird talking to my brother about it. I have a hard time looking at him at all.
“What’s this?”
I look up at Colton’s question, my eyes clashing with his still shocked one. He’s holding the envelope from Dr. Patel.
“I had a doctor’s appointment,” I mumble in shame. “It’s a picture of the baby.”
Colt’s face spreads into a big smile. “Can I see?”
“You wanna?”
“Are you kidding me?” He looks at me like I lost my mind. Which, yes, I have, for sure.
“I wanted to open it with you,” I give him a teary smile.
“Do you know what it is?” He starts bouncing up and down on the couch, looking so excited, like a little kid on Christmas morning.
“Not yet. Dr. Patel wrote it on the back of the picture. I thought we’d find out together.”
Colt’s smile drops a little at seeing my shaky lips. I am so all over the place. I thought I’d get more of a relief once I told my brother about it, but the reality is that I wish I could share this moment with Dylan.
“I’m not ready to see it yet.” He puts the envelope back on the coffee table and leans back against the couch.
“What? Why?” I wipe at my face, unsure of what’s going on.
He just shrugs. “You’re not ready either. Am I wrong?” he asks after a few seconds of me just staring at him quietly.
“No,” I burst into tears again.
“Becky,” he pulls me into a hug and kisses me on the head. It only reminds me of how I held him just like this after our parents died. And I am sobbing now just like he did back then.
“I’m so sorry,” I try to tell him. “I’m a little scared,” I confess in a shaky voice. “It’s all so new still, you know? But I’ll be okay,” I assure him as I try to get my shit together.
“You are the strongest person I know, Becky.” He continues holding me. “And you’ll make a great mom.” He sounds emotional now as well.
“We need to stop this,” I try to diffuse the tension in the room. “I couldn’t wait to tell you though. Not how I envisioned telling you, but…”
“Yeah, I thought you were going to tell me that you’re dying.” I gasp in shock. He talks like he’s teasing me, but I can hear the undercurrent there. We’ve had way too much of that in our lives. “A baby is definitely a good thing.”
“Thank you, Colt.” I take his hand in mine, and we just sit here in silence.
“So,” he clears his throat. “Dylan, huh?”
“Yeah,” I nod as I stare at our back yard through the large sliding door in front of me.
“He really doesn’t want the baby?”
I think of Dylan’s face when he told me he knew I was pregnant. I remember every single detail of his reactions from before when I told him I wasn’t on any birth control.
You better not show up out of nowhere and tell me that you’re pregnant…
Those words, along with the spiteful way Dylan acted on that day, will stay with me forever. How can I get over that? And over all the other bad things he spit at me.
“He…” I hesitate for a second. Once he knew this baby was his, he never actually said he didn’t want him or her. “Before he knew I was pregnant, he mentioned not wanting to have more kids,” I try to clarify the situation.
“So, he has a kid who just lives with his brother?” Colt’s tone matches the confusion I feel over that entire situation.
“I guess,” I shrug. What else can I say?
