Page 30 of Lose to Win: Lost Trilogy: Part 3
“Tell me how you feel about the baby,” he finally says. That snaps me right out of the sex induced stupor.
“I…”
I hesitate because I don’t know how to tell him that I am not happy at all. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be married and have lots of babies. This is not how I imagined it happening. I had this fairytale story in my head, and I had no doubt that it would come true.
“One thing you always need to be with me, Em, is honest,” Puck tells me with sadness in his voice, calling me out on all the times I tried to hide things from him.
“I’m not happy,” I finally tell him, a hiccup right at the end. “I don’t want to be tied to Steve for the rest of my life,” I admit. “I’m scared that I will hate this baby because of that. And I wonder…”
I’m not sure how to tell him the next part. It is an unconscious thought that’s been floating around in my head from the second I was told that I was pregnant, but something I couldn’t quite put into words.
“I think I want to get rid of it.”
The anger flashing in Puck’s eyes at hearing that is taking me by surprise. I thought he’d be happy to hear it. It is not his baby after all, why would he care?
“This baby is mine now,” he tells me like he can read my mind. His tone is ferocious when he says it, scaring me with its intensity.
“Puck,” I whimper.
“I don’t give a fuck who put it in your belly, Emily,” he barks at me, completely ignoring the situation we are in. “This baby is mine now. There is no way in hell anyone will hurt him. And that includes you.”
There’s a sense of finality in his words. It scares me to think that he is in fact serious and that he would do anything to me if I did anything to hurt the baby.
I don’t say anything to that. I am scared to. I just nod in understanding and bite my bottom lip until I taste a little bit of blood in my mouth.
“How long are we going to be here for?” I should probably know what’s going on given the dangerous situation we are in.
“A few more hours. We’ll go after you rest.”
The gentle way he leans forward to kiss me on the forehead is breaking my heart. I love him so much, and I don’t want any of this for us.
“I can’t believe we’re married,” I whisper into his chest. “This is wrong.”
A sound of distress echoes under my ear, but he doesn’t allow me to lift my head and look at him.
“It came out wrong, Puck,” I try to explain. “Being your wife is my dream come true.” And now I’m crying. “But I didn’t want it to happen like this. This is wrong,” I repeat.
My words seem to calm him down some. He starts petting me gently on the head, then moves down my back. I hate that I am naked under the covers, and he is dressed on top of them.
“We’ll have a big wedding once this is over,” he assures me, like it is a done deal.
“It’s not that,” I sniffle out. “I just didn’t want you to marry me for all the wrong reasons.”
“Me loving you with every fiber in my being is the wrong reason to marry you?”
I whimper into his chest again. What a terrible, terrible situation we’re in.
I close my eyes and try to clear my head as much as possible. Knowing Puck is laying next to me, and that he doesn’t hate me, is such a huge relief, but I don’t think we can survive what’s waiting for us back home. I still plan on seeing Steve upon our return, and that will most likely be my demise. Anything to save those I love though.
My mind briefly reminds me of Becca. I’m not sure how to tell her that she is in danger.
“I think Becca needs to…”
“Becca is fine,” Puck cuts me off. “Dylan moved into her house. He is watching over her and the baby.”
“Oh.”
I guess I am way behind with the news there.
