Page 36 of Lose to Win: Lost Trilogy: Part 3
“I don’t know yet.”
I am trying to be truthful. The news of this baby has completely thrown me for a loop. I’m not happy, and I wish this baby was Puck’s. I need it to be Puck’s for my own mental health.
“Let’s go sit,” dad tells me, then just walks away toward his office, giving me no choice but to follow. By the time I walk into his private space, he is sitting at his desk, rummaging through some things in his drawer.
I sit down in the comfortable chair he has in front of his desk, then wait. I’m not sure what he wants to tell me, but I am bracing myself for it, nonetheless.
When he finally finds what he was looking for, he gives me his full attention.
“I know that you’re aware of my history with Arlene.”
I nod in confirmation, unsure if I should say something or just stay quiet and listen.
“Breaking up with her was one of the worst decisions of my life,” he continues. “I came back home, and tried to assure your mother that I would never abandon her. She would always be under my protection. But I couldn’t get Arlene out of my mind.”
I have never seen my father as vulnerable as he is in this moment. He is relieving the events from all those years ago, and I feel guilty for not telling him that his enemy is back from the dead. And he wants to destroy his daughter.
“Your mother encouraged me to go get Arlene. Bring her here. She was convinced that we would all make it work somehow.”
Dad pauses to smirk.
“I’m sure that would’ve given some very interesting topics of conversation to everyone, but neither one of us cared. I wanted to take care of her, and she wanted me to be happy.”
I nod again. It’s such a sweet story. It makes me love him more than I already do.
“By the time I went back to Texas to get Arlene, it was too late. Bricks had already tricked her into sleeping with him. And she was pregnant with his baby.”
“I’m so sorry, dad,” I whisper. I already know all this, but it looks like he needs to get it off his chest, so I continue sitting and listening.
“The first thing she showed me when I got back was an ultrasound picture.”
It is then that I see what he has lying flat on his desk. It is a faded and very basic version of the more modern way they have them today.
“Is that…” I just point at it.
He smiles. “This is it.”
“Why did you save it for all these years?”
Dad takes a minute before answering. He looks older all of a sudden, the weight of the world on his shoulders. I’ve never seen him vulnerable like this.
“I was prepared to take Arlene with me and take care of her baby. Claim the baby as mine,” he tells me, his eyes boring into mine.
I realize with a start that I understand why he is telling me all this.
“Sometimes,” dad continues talking, “you have to make decisions in life. Some are big, some are small. Some will change the entire course.”
“But what if it’s not his baby, dad? How can I force him to see this baby every day and know that I slept with another man, made a baby with him, and now Puck will have to raise it for the next eighteen years?”
“Sometimes, blood doesn’t mean anything. Case in point, this baby,” he lifts the picture of Arlene’s ultrasound, “became the most hated man in his father’s universe.”
“But why?”
It’s not like I have super warm and fuzzy feelings toward Dylan Knight, but what could he have done as a child for his own father to hate him this much as an adult?
“Because Dylan ended up with his mother’s heart no matter how hard his father tried to turn him against her. He hated her because of me, and he hated her son by association.”
I just stare at him, afraid to hope that the situation I’m in could turn into anything positive.
