Page 93 of Lose to Win: Lost Trilogy: Part 3
Sully doesn’t say a word. He just nods and waits for me to pick the bag off the floor. I was kind of hoping he would do it. I’m scared that if I touch it, I’ll change my mind.
With a big gulp of air in, I bend over and grab it. My hands are shaking still, and I feel my heart beating in my head, to the point where I am lightheaded.
I’m sure my eyes are wild when I look at Sully.
“You got this, brother.” At least I think he said that, I just have this whooshing sound in my ears.
We quietly walk down the hallway until we reach the guest bathroom on the main floor of the house. Sully is firmly at my back. Just like he’s always been for the last more than twelve years.
As if he can sense my hesitation, his heavy hand lands on my shoulder, squeezing it in support.
“You are enough on your own, brother. Drugs are just a crutch. Time to kick it to the curb, yeah?”
I bob my head up and down as sweat rolls down my face. Emily’s sweet face floats around in my head. That is the only thing that anchors me. I lift the bag and turn it over. All the pills fall into the toilet bowl with a soft clunk. I reach for the handle, and, with a shaky hand, I flush. My eyes never leave the swirl of water as it takes them away from me.
Sully’s arms wrap around my shoulders from behind me, and I allow myself this last moment of weakness. I need his support more than I thought.
I remember Devereaux telling me that any addict who respects themselves says they are not addicted to the drug of their choice.
Reality hits me hard. I am an addict. I will always be one. But it has to be a battle that I win every single time. I give myself no other choice.
“I’m proud of you, brother,” Sully drops his head on my shoulder when he says the words.
I pat his hand in thanks. Any words elude me at the moment. I need time to process everything, not what I just did, but also how it will impact my day to day life.
We walk back to the living room where I fall back on the comfortable couch we have in here. I need some time to myself before I go back upstairs to my wife.
The silence blankets the room until Sully speaks, his deep voice sounding a bit louder than it probably should’ve.
“Have you ever thought that you might need closure?”
His question throws me off. “Wasn’t watching Kenny die closure enough?”
“Well,” he shrugs. “I feel like that gave you closure on what he did to you and your mother. But I was referring to closure on her.”
“My mother?” My eyebrows go up in surprise.
“Yeah,” he nods. “When my mother died, I was too young to understand the word. Once I was on my own, I went to her grave, talked to her for a while. Stuff like that.” He smiles at me, and I envy the peace I see in him.
“Did it help?”
“It was shortly after I got a call fromyourmother, actually.” He watches me closely, gauging my reactions, but I remain quiet. “I had no idea who she was. Just some lady who called out of the blue, telling me that she knew who my father was, and that I had a brother who had no idea I existed.”
“It’s weird that she did that,” I think to myself, but the words come out loud. “I didn’t think she cared.”
“I think she did more than she even imagined.”
I nod again and think about it. Sully lets me thinks things over until we are both too tired to speak.
“I feel a little sleepy,” I tell him in surprise.
“You better take advantage of it and go snuggle up to your woman then,” he teases me.
We walk up the stairs and stop when we are in front of my bedroom.
“Thank you, Blake,” I tell him before opening the door. “Not just for tonight,” I explain. “But for coming into my life when you did. I would’ve been dead by now if it hadn’t been for you.”
“No doubt,” he snorts, but then gets serious. “You’re the best little brother I could’ve asked for.”
