Page 60 of Tattoo My Heart
“My head is a mess,” I finally admit to my best friend. “And my heart is an even bigger mess. What am I going to do? I think he’s just messing with me.”
“I really don’t think Cal would do that.” Carrie tries to reassure me, but her tone is not as convincing as she’d like it to be.
I drop my eyes to the table and start playing with a spot on the tablecloth, running my finger over it countless of times.
“I’ve never been in a serious relationship before,” I confess to her, like she doesn’t know already. “And it scares me.”
“Do you even want to be in a serious relationship?”
Her question takes me by surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Evie.” She rests her elbow on the table and watches me with a patient smile on her face. “Just because you’re having sex, it doesn’t mean you have to be in a serious relationship. Just have fun with it. Enjoy it. Learn a thing or two.”
That reminds me.
“I can’t even give a blow job.”
Carrie, who is in the middle of taking a sip of water at this point, snorts and water goes everywhere. At least, I sure hope it’s only water. I’d hate to think I have snot all over my face.
“That’s okay. Blow jobs are not important,” she tells me once she’s calmed down. “Some men don’t even like getting them.”
“They don’t?” I hate how hopeful I sound. It’s not my fault I can’t perform in that department for the life of me.
“That’s what I hear,” she tells me. “I don’t know any personally,” she continues. “But there’s got to be someone out there who hates it.”
“Maybe Cal hates it, too,” I declare. “And that’s why he never insists on it.”
“So you tried it then?”
“Yes, but I almost chocked to death, Care. And then I panicked. I threw up once when I was college and tried it with this guy I was seeing…”
My mouth is going a mile a minute, and I don’t even care who can hear me.
“It was so bad,” I tell her. “And now, the couple of times I tried it with Cal, that’s all I could think of.”
Carrie looks at me thoughtfully, then grabs a new breadstick and munches on it, her eyes never leaving my face.
“Does he go down on you?” she finally asks.
“Carrie!” I lean away from her and cross my legs in a protective move. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that!” I look around to make sure no one is eavesdropping. There’s a lady in the booth across from us who looks a bit iffy, but I don’t have clear proof that she’s been listening to us so that I could call her out on it.
“Okay, so he does then.” Carrie starts speaking over the chaos in my head. “I’m assuming you like whatever he does to you in that department.”
I press both hands over my eyes, scared to look around anymore.
“Oh my gosh, please shut up,” I beg her, but she doesn’t care.
“I’m just saying that if you like what he’s doing to you, you might wanna return the favor. It’s only fair.” She takes another bite out of her breadstick.
At this point in the evening, I’m ready to grab my bag and my phone, and run out of here, potentially never coming face to face with my best friend again. To complete my humiliation, it sounds like she is laughing her ass off as well.
“Evie, stop it. You’re a big girl now.” The statement only brings another wave of laughter. She is laughing so hard that I almost start laughing too, despite the fact that I hate her a little for picking on me.
My cell phone ringing cuts into my wanting to leave Carrie here to laugh by herself.
“Evelyn,” mom greets me as soon as I answer the call. “Sounds like you’re having a good time over there.” She says that because she can hear Carrie laughing her head off next to me.
“I’m out with Carrie,” I explain. “She’s being a goofball.” I stick my tongue out at my best friend.
