Page 78 of Puck with Karma
“Xander,” I try to stop him. “We need to talk…”
“What is there to talk about?” he questions. “You want to talk to me about Brandon Karlsberg?”
The way he spits out my brother’s name ties my stomach in knots. How is this happening?
“I do.” I bob my head up and down, sounding way more upbeat than I actually feel.
Xander throws his head back, a hearty laugh echoing around us. But it doesn’t sound happy at all.
“I have to say,” he finally calms down a little to speak. “That I really fell for all your shit.”
I pull back a little.
“My shit?”
“Yes,” he growls at me. “You’ve been very convincing. Here.” He shoves the flowers against my chest. “You earned these.”
I put my hand up just in time catch them before they fall to the ground.
“It’s a good thing I didn’t spend more on you, right?”
My eyes fill with instant tears. I’m not even sure what to say. I try to swallow, but it all gets stuck in the back of my throat. I am crushed by the way he talks to me.
“I don’t understand,” I shake my head at him. “What is it you think that I did?”
“No,” he points at me. “The better question is what is this obsession you have with Karlsberg! Every fucking time I turn around, you have him on your phone, your laptop, I hear you talking to your friends about him!”
He is out of breath by the time he finishes talking. I am scared by his intensity, to the point where I can’t find my voice or even gather my thoughts. Xander continues raging.
“I am so fucking sick of this life! Sick of it,” he yells in my face. “Everyone is out to get me somehow. I can’t catch a break for nothing. Ever!”
He puts his hands behind his head and starts pacing around me. Considering how small the space is, that is no easy feat. I am still clutching the flowers to my chest, wondering how to react. Or if I should react at all.
“Fuck!” he yells at the ceiling.
Tears spill out of my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and stopping in the corners of my mouth. This is not what I thought our conversation would be.
“I need to get out of here,” he finally says. “I can’t talk about it now.”
“Xander.”
The word comes out like a pitiful whimper. It stops him in his tracks just as he is about to open the door to walk out on me.
“We’ll talk later,” he tells me, but doesn’t turn around to look at me. “Maybe,” he adds as an after thought.
Thatmaybeat the end makes me angry. I nod, even though he can’t see me.
“I’m going home this weekend.”
The words just spill off my lips. I had no plans to go home, but I need some space. I need to be in a more familiar environment with people who love me and don’t judge me. Those people being Hannah and Riley, because my parents obviously don’t think that at all.
“Are you coming back?” he growls, his back still at me.
I take a moment to think of an answer. I never even considered not coming back. I am going back for the weekend, not forever. But now that he asks, or maybe it’s in the way he asks…
“I think so,” I whisper in response.
I don’t sound convincing, not even to my own ears. His shoulders tense to the point where he looks like he is about to rip the door out of its hinges. He only turns his head a bit, for me to hear him better.
