Page 39 of Puck Drop
“Uhhh…” I have no idea what she’s talking about. But then, a lightbulb comes on. “You said something about dating! Who are you going out with?”
“Okay, so at least you half listened.” I swear I can hear her rolling her eyes at the phone. “I’m not dating anyone at the moment,” she spells it out for me again. “But I’m looking into online dating because I have an event in December that I want to attend. I refuse to go alone.” She sounds angry now. “Alexis going to be there, and there is no way I will give him the satisfaction of seeing me there without a date.”
Alex is her on again, off again boyfriend. Their relationship always confused me. He was Mona’s weakness, never being able to fall to his charms, even knowing that he would break up with her right after.
I glance at the TV to make sure I’m not missing anything important. Second period is now over, and it’ll be a few minutes before they start again. I mute the TV and lean back in my seat, ready to give my best friend my full attention.
“Online dating is scary,” I tell her.
There’s some shuffling on her end. “How so?” she asks with a mouthful of food. “That’s how people meet nowadays. It’s normal.”
“That’s not how everyone meets, Mona,” I chuckle. “That’s not how I met Logan.”
She laughs at that. “Yeah, and look how well it’s working for you.”
Her words instantly put me in a sour mood. I frown at the screen of my phone even though she can’t see me. “What do you mean?”
Mona takes a moment to finish chewing whatever she’s eating. “Well, I don’t know how to tell you, sweetie,” she starts, “but how is your relationship with Logan normal?” she asks. “And we already went over all the events leading to you moving out there for him without telling him. Then he doesn’t want you to tell anyone you’re dating. But now he does, and you don’t. The whole thing is messed up,” she declares.
“Not as messed up as you hooking up with Alex every time he glances your way,” I deadpan.
The silence on the line makes me feel instant guilt.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell Mona. “That was uncalled for. And… you’re right,” I admit with a big sigh. “I think I may have made a mistake.”
My voice is barely audible when I voice my biggest concern.
“Why a mistake?” Mona asks. I am relieved to hear that her voice sounds normal and not angry after my comment about her ex.
“Because…” My own voice is shaky. “Back in New York, right before my dad found us,” I explain, “he had told me that he loved me. It was a big deal.”
Tears gather in my eyes, and I hate that I am about to cry. All my insecurities crash into me at once. Life here in Texas is like nothing I’d imagined.
“He doesn’t love you anymore?” Mona asks in a soft tone.
I take a moment to rub at my eyes, feeling small and childlike.
“I don’t know,” I admit to Mona. “He hasn’t said it to me since I got here. I feel like…” I sigh and try to regroup. “I feel like I’m forcing myself on him. He never even tried to get a hold of me before…”
“Wait,” she stops me. “Didn’t you say that he tried but your father had him blocked? That’s why his calls wouldn’t go through,” she reminds me.
“I know that. But still… Why wouldn’t he tell me that he loves me? What if…”
I pause unsure of what I’m even trying to say. The TV distracts me for a second. The game is back on, and my heart thuds in my chest when I see Logan’s picture on the screen listed as an active goalie for the Aces.
“What if what, sweetie?” Mona’s voice calls from the speaker of my phone.
I let out a long breath of air, trying to buy myself more time.
“What if he doesn’t even love me anymore?” I finally say. “I left the city, I cut off all contact with my dad, all so that I could follow Logan here.”
“And now?” she prompts me.
“And now…” I look around my apartment. I felt a sense of pride in the beginning, knowing that I am capable of making enough money to pay my rent and live off of. “Now I live in a small place that’s as big as my closet at my dad’s house,” I admit. “And, worst of all, I absolutely hate my job.”
I drop my face in my hands and wait for Mona to voice her judgement. At the same time, I remember her encouraging me to come down here, so, in a messed up way, I hold her responsible for my misery.
“I’m so sorry, Liz,” she murmurs softly, sounding a lot more subdued than I’d expected. “I feel responsible somehow.”
