Page 44 of Puck Drop
“Anyway, I think you should try harder with this girl.”
I almost miss what he just said. My head snaps back as I stare him down.
“What makes you think I haven’t been trying hard enough?” I ask.
Sebastian rolls his eyes at me. “Because you were at my place not too long ago whining about it like a little bitch.”
I want to argue that it isn’t true, but I know he’s right about this.
“I told you before that the other guys would be more than happy to take her out,” he reminds me. “You gotta make up your mind. It’s not fair to either one of you, the more you drag this out.”
The sigh I let out is being ripped from my very soul. “I know.” I rub my hands up and down my face. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
“You’re scared.”
It is a statement, not a question, and it stops me in my tracks.
“I’m terrified,” I admit. “I don’t want to fuck up her life, or mine, for that matter.”
“Makes sense,” Sebastian agrees. “But you’re acting like an idiot about all this.”
He signals for the flight attendant, who approaches with a couple of bottles of water. We each grab one, and I drink half of mine without stopping.
“With that said,” Sebastian continues like we never stopped. “Can we talk about something else other than your love life? How about meet at the pub later?”
My eyes bug out of my head. “Tonight?”
He shrugs, looking like he’s got no worries in the world. “Why not?”
I point to the window to my right. “It’ll be late by the time we land in Texas.”
“So?” he snorts. “Your mom won’t let you out at night?”
I roll my eyes at him but don’t say anything. The reality is that I can’t wait to get home so I can call Elizabeth, maybe even go see her if she’ll have me. Last thing I want to do is go hang out in a bar with the same guys I spent the last couple of days with.
“Whatever, I’m sure the guys are up for it,” he waves me off. Turning in his seat, he calls out to the back rows. Before long, there’s some yelling back and forth as they make plans for after we land.
I pick up my phone and once again stare at the last text I sent to Elizabeth. I grin as I relive the moment when I stepped on the ice with the crowd roaring all around me. The only way to make the moment perfect would’ve been if Elizabeth was right there to witness it in person.
Shaking my head, I try to clear my mind. No matter what, I feel like I don’t have any clarity on what my future with her should look like, especially now that I feel guilty about her disliking her job.
“You’re overthinking it,” Sebastian declares.
With a start, I turn my head only to find him nodding at me, like he’s old and wise.
“You don’t even know what I was thinking about.” A nervous laugh escapes me. It’s not because of him but because I am a mess about my life in general.
It’s really bizarre to think over the events from the last twelve months. First, I found love. Then, I lost it with no warning. I lost my position on the team, and I was close to losing my position in the pros, period. I ended up having to move states away and start over with a new group of people, learn the dynamics and move on with my life.
In a way, it felt like when I was younger and I’d move around as I played on travel teams. I started over more times than I could count. But this time, it felt weird, and I felt out of place initially. Now, as I was getting my shit together, Elizabeth crashed back into my life.
I feel conflicted by the myriad of emotions that are tangled up in my head. I know for a fact that I love her. I don’t know why I’m not capable of saying the words to her anymore.
Six months ago, on that fateful night when her father caught us together, I was dying to tell her that I loved her. My feelings in that regard are still the same. I love her so much. But there is something that pulls me back, and I just can’t say it to her.
“I’m having a hard time with everything,” I manage to spill the words out to Sebastian. “Like it’s a real struggle, you know?”
My buddy nods as if he can understand my struggle. The look on his face says otherwise.
