Page 156 of Until We Burn
“Whatever happens next, just do what you’re told. Got it?”
I nod. “Got it.”
None of it matters, though.
The game ticks down to twelve seconds. I manage to wrest the puck back in our possession and race towards the net. Theirdefensemen surge up on me, knocking me down to the ice. The timer runs out and the Vipers win 2-1.
I swallow hard. The roar of Vipers fans surrounds me. Their cheering fades out as I skate back towards the tunnel.
Don’t look up. Don’t look up.
But I do and I wish I never did. Matthias points at me, as he talks with the general managers. They rub their jaws and shake their heads in disappointment. I don’t know what the hell he’s saying to them, but I know his opinion and what they saw on the ice tonight was enough to solidify their perception of me: I’m not worth recruiting.
“Good game, mutt!”
My jaw tenses as I look over my shoulder. Simon approaches me with sweat slicking off his smug grin.
I ignore him and keep on skating back to the tunnel.
“Oh, come on,” he cackles. “Don’t be like that! Everyone loses here and there. Although, maybe not in front of a bunch of general managers. Ididwarn you, though.”
My nostrils flare before I whip around. “You can cut the bullshit, Simon. I know you and your dad planned all of this.”
Simon laughs, touching a hand to his heart. “Well, I’m flattered you think I’m that big of a mastermind.”
“You won, alright? Go celebrate with your team.”
“Is that it? Is that all you have to say?”
The words tremble on my tongue. I swallow them back. “We’re done here.” I turn my back on him and keep skating towards the tunnel.
“Man, it all makes sense why no one’s wanted you since first year.”
I grind to a stop.
Don’t do it, Kai. Don’t say it.
“It makes sense why you lost everything so goddamn easily. It’s because you’reweak.”Simon stands behind me now. Spittle flies and jabs my neck with every word he spits out. “Everyone thinks you’re this star player, but I know deep down, you’re just a pathetic little bitch who can’t handle the weight of what he wants.”
I snap around and shove him back.
“You have everything!”I explode. “Why do you keep trying to break me? When is itevergoing to beenoughfor you?”
“When I stop seeing mutts like you on the ice!” Simon snarls.
Pure, unbridled hate burns on his face and flashes in his eyes.
“I wanted tonight to be clear,” he hisses. “No matter how many times you get back up, how hard you try, at the end of the day, mutts like you don’t fucking belong here.”
All the fight in my bones die out.
I used to think if I worked hard enough, I could prove to people that I’m capable of keeping up with the names who dominated this industry. But they don’t always see my work ethic as competence. Everything I do, everything I represent is seen as a threat and I’m so fucking tired of it.
I duck my head and skate through the tunnel to follow the rest of the boys into the locker room. Angry tears fall down my face, blurring the world around me. I’m angry at Simon and Matthias Valdis. Angry that I’m letting them get under my skin like this.
Through the cracks, every other voice that doubts me starts crashing in.
You’re not rare. You’re just another naïve kid who thinks he deserves more than he’s actually worth.
