Page 175 of Until We Burn
Now, she’s gone. I have so many questions I want to ask her, and she’ll never be around to answer them.
But I know what she’d do in this case.
I wipe the tears from my eyes and smooth a hand over my dress. Before bàba can utter a word, I leave. I don’t spare him another glance when I walk away from him, from that blade hanging over his head, and from a path I no longer want to go down.
CHAPTER 70
KAI
It’s April 10th,the day the rumors broke out and ruined my career.
It doesn’t matter if the sun is out, what color shirt I’m wearing, or the fact that today is the fucking Frozen Four, this day will never feel any different. It will always feel like I’m reliving April 10, 2021, all over again.
“Kai?” Diana’s arms wind around me. She kisses my head, her groggy voice whispering against my skin. “What’s wrong?”
I can’t rip my eyes off the calendar hanging on my bedroom wall. “It’s been four years now.”
She looks confused until she follows the line of my sight and sees today’s date glowing under the sliver of light filtering in from the blinds. Diana hugs me tighter. My hands cover hers, squeezing them for comfort.
“I still keep expecting media requests to blow up my phone. I can still feel the latex gloves f-from all the doctors poking a-and prodding at me?—”
The panic sinks inside of me.
It’s been four years, and I still feel as helpless as I did back then.
My lungs tighten. A prickling sensation bursts from my gut andthen I’m spiraling. I shoot to my feet, my heartbeat growing louder and pounding harder until I swear the strings are gonna snap.
I need to keep it under control. I’m gonna die if I don’t.
But the thought only makes my heart race even more. I press my hand to my chest, my breaths sawing in and out as I pace the room.
Five things, Kai. Just try to find five fucking things.
My focus flails. I can’t stop my eyes from darting everywhere. It all blurs together no matter how hard I try to escape the dread I’m drowning under.
“Kai.”
The buzzing rupturing in my ears chokes out all noise except my pounding heart.
“Kai.”
My stomach lurches and twists as if I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, one breath away from dropping into an oblivion I can’t claw myself out of.
“Kai!”
Hands cup my face. Warm and grounding, they wrest my attention back down. My eyes settle on Diana who stares back at me, determined and slightly breathless. Even when there’s no color in this room, she burns like a star.
“You’re okay.”The buzz in my ears goes quiet as her voice grows louder and stronger with each word she says. “Your phone isn’t blowing up with media requests, because it’s been four years. You will never have to step through those medical clinics again, because it’s been four years. You are safe, right here in your bedroom, next to a room full of boys who will be there for you for the rest of your life. You’re okay. You’re safe, Kai.”
My hands shake as they hold onto her. “C-Can you repeat that?” I whisper. “Please?”
Diana repeats the words over and over until the storm inside quiets down. I collapse into her on the bed. She cradles my head. Sweat gathers in my curls, but she still keeps me close, mentally anchoring me from dropping off the edge of the cliff.
“You’re okay,” Diana whispers. She kisses my forehead, her fingers caressing my hair. “I love you so much.”
I swallow hard. My throat is so dry I can’t make the words out no matter how much I want to say them.
I loveyouso much. You’re the home I’ll always run to when my whole world is collapsing.
