Page 22 of Awakening
We stopped talking after that.
Her soft lips find my neck as she moans her arousal, her need, her desire for me. The way her fingers caress me like she’s trying to memorize me. The way we move like we’ve done this before in another life and promised we’d get it right this time.
This isn’t about fixing anything.
It’s not about the right answer.
It’s about truth.
Honesty.
It’s about presence.
Her body. My need. Her name in my mouth like it belongs there.
And for the first time in a long damn time, I can think about the possibilities. I can bring my past with me into my future, and together we can explore what’s next.
The Things We Finally Say
After the incredible weekend I had with Ajaih, I couldn’t wait to see her again, be in her presence, learn her quirks. I knew she was a veteran and not just one who did a few years in the military and decided she was ready to go back to civilian life. No, Lt. General Ajaih Jeffries had done a career plus some and retired after serving twenty-two years in the Air Force. Deciding she wasn’t done living in the sky, she re-entered civilian life as a captain for Sky United Air before transitioning to a lead flight instructor at the Winston Hills Aviation Academy. I won’t lie, after we crossed paths, I Googled the freckled-faced beauty who had captivated me without trying, and I was pleasantly surprised to see just how accomplished she was, considering how modest her demeanor was.
As thoughts of her played vividly in my mind, I still smelled her, felt her, needed her. Her skin, her sweat, and the way it created the perfect sheen over her body as I stroked her until she moaned her release, the barest hint of lavender from her favorite shampoo and conditioner. My fingers moved down my abdomen, gripping my growing erection as I remembered the warmth of her body, the curve of her hip, the way she fit into me like we were some old melody trying to remember the lyrics.
That weekend.
It had started with playful flirting at the WHM Christmas party before turning into deep, slow touches, and ended with the kind of lovemaking that peeled back years of silence inside me. She was all questions and honesty. No fronting, no pressure, just curiosity and kindness wrapped in a sexy ass body and a sharp mind.
We didn’t just fuck, we explored each other physically, mentally, and emotionally. Our time together felt like one long conversation between tangled limbs and wine-slick laughs. She shared her fear of needing too much, my confusion about my attraction to her, and laughed over how unassuming Yanna was about the power and prowess she held over everyone who dared to enter her world. She shared with me her desire to continue exploring the freedom of polyamory, and I shared my interest and intrigue in exploring a world I knew very little about. We read each other without judgment, and when she looked at me, I swear I could feel some part of myself being rewritten.
But now, in the hush of the aftermath, when the buzz fades and the clarity creeps in, I feel the quiet part that needs to be said aloud settling in my chest like a weight I can’t ignore.
Knox.
His name slips through my mind like a whisper I can’t quiet. Knox, who has seen me at my worst, kissed me back to life, shared his bed, his future, his damn Spotify playlists. We weren’t always perfect, but we were real and still are in many ways. Even though we’ve been living in different time zones, orbiting each other like old satellites, every time he's in town, we fall into each other like no timehas passed.
And because of the love and desire I still feel, he deserves more than a text or a shrug about this addition to my heart. I owe him the truth.
This thing with Ajaih… It’s not casual. It could be something real, and if there’s any chance of building something new, I can’t do it by falling into lies and untold truths between us. Especially when we still kiss and fuck like a couple very much in love when he's in town.
I sit up, legs hanging off the side of the bed, elbows on my knees, causing the sheet to fall away as I think about the way Ajaih looked at me last night. Her eyes saw all of me and still wanted more, but now, as I sit here thinking about Knox’s laugh, the way it cracks wide when he's truly happy.
I know for sure I can’t have them both, not without honesty.
So yeah, it’s time. Before I fall deeper, before I fuck this up, I need to talk to Knox.
And I hope his mind and heart are open enough to understand.
I stared at my phone longer than I needed to, thumb hovering over Knox’s contact like it might shock me. My heart tapped an uneven beat against my ribs, that familiar mix of anticipation and dread. There’s never a “good” time for this kind of conversation, just the truth and the courage to say it out loud.
I finally hit call.
It rang twice.
“Well damn,” Knox’s voice came through the line smooth as ever, with that lazy Southern drawl that always felt like home, “You miss me or just need something?”
I chuckled, already feeling my tension loosen just hearing him, “Can’t it be both?”
He laughed low, “Yeah, I guess with us, it usually is.”
