Page 100 of My Heart's Doctor
“Oh, dear! There is no one more blind than the one who refuses to see, as the saying goes, and it applies to you right now. Don’t lie to yourself, that young man is in love with you and I think you feel the same way about him.”
“Carmen, how can you be so sure if you don’t even know him? Besides, I never told you about him.”
“But I talked a lot with him, and it took me five minutes to realize that he loves you, it’s that simple,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Would you like some tea?”
“I’ll prepare it, don’t worry,” I said, going to the kitchen, but with my mind elsewhere, more precisely on William Cavaller.
“I made chocolate cake, bring portions for both of us,” she indicated.
I still couldn’t understand his behavior. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find a justification. He was a man who was used to others doing things for him, not the other way around. I also didn’t consider him a person who would worry about his neighbors; it was as if he lived in his private world without caring about others’. So, what had led him to offer help to Carmen when he didn’t even know her? While preparing the tea, an idea came to my mind, an idea that disappointed and infuriated me in equal parts. What if now that he knew there was no risk of an unwanted pregnancy with me, he wanted me as his lover again? Could that be it? With all these ideas swirling in my head, I brought the tea and cake to the living room and continued talking with Carmen, who didn’t mention Cavaller again.
A while later I returned to my apartment. I was still so surprised that I couldn’t stop thinking about the news Carmen had given me. It occurred to me that I could go ask the doorman.A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. At that moment I remembered that Carmen had prepared a piece of chocolate cake for me to take home and I had forgotten it, so I assumed it was her.
I was wrong.
Standing in front of me was William Cavaller, more handsome than ever, looking at me strangely.
“William, what are you doing here?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“I came to see you and talk to you. May I come in?” he asked, hesitantly.
“I think in our last conversation things were made clear, I don’t think that…”
“Actually, in our last conversation nothing was clear because I didn’t say anything. May I come in?” he insisted.
I sighed and stepped aside to let him in, though not convinced it was the best thing to do.
“Come in,” I said.
I closed the door and turned to look at him. He was standing a few feet away from me and looking at me very seriously.
“I missed you, ‘Dulce.’” The words tumbled from his lips.
“If what you want is to sleep with me again, I’m saying no. Forget about me,” I asked, because at that moment the idea crossed my mind again that he wanted to be my lover again because now he had the assurance that I wouldn’t give him complications with pregnancies.
“Forget you? I would forget you, if only I knew how,” he stated, leaving me completely surprised. I didn’t understand why he was saying these things to me; I didn’t want him to create false hopes.
“Don’t say that, William,” I said, looking at him nervously.
“I say it because it’s the truth. Why did you leave?” he asked, walking toward me, but I moved away and went to sit on one of the living room armchairs.
“Why wouldn't I leave? When I confessed that I couldn't have children, you didn't say anything, you just stared at me and let me walk away. I assumed your silence meant that what we had couldn't work. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not reproaching you because I understand that what I can offer isn't what you want, and that's understandable. What you desire is what everyone wants, even I wanted it once, but I can't offer it to you and there's nothing I can do to change that,” I stated, looking at him nervously but with determination.
“Are you finished?” he asked, approaching and sitting beside me, but at a respectful distance.
“It depends,” I said.
“May I speak?”
“You don't need to say anything, really. I think it would have been better if you hadn't come and we'd left things as they were. I suppose you must be upset, they always get upset with me,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and overwhelmed by a great sadness.
“Upset? You think I'm upset with you? If I were, it would only be because when you left me, you tore out my heart and took it with you. But I'm not upset with you, I'm upset with myself for not having the courage to tell you how I feel about you,” he said, looking at me cautiously.
“I don't understand where you're going with this,” I said nervously, because what he had said sounded very much like a declaration of love.
“I'm in love with you,” he stated, looking at me with sincerity and with a feeling I'd never been looked at with before, leaving me completely astonished. “I've never been in love before, whichis why I didn't realize that what I felt for you was immense love. It's beautiful and distressing to give someone that power, but I give it to you—you have the power over my happiness or my misery, because I am deeply and completely in love with you. I don't want to lose you; without you my life is hell. Without you I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think. I love you, Devon Dulcet, my sweet doctor, you're the doctor of my heart,” he said, with shining eyes, as he moved closer and caressed my cheek with tenderness.
I could barely breathe. The coldness of the unfathomable sadness I had been immersed in during those days began to disappear because in my heart, the flame of happiness was growing by leaps and bounds. William Cavaller loved me? William Cavaller loved me!
