Page 126 of My Heart's Doctor
—“I’m not suggesting anything. I’m in a hurry. Have a good day,” I said, sidestepping him to continue on my way.
I felt his hand close around my arm to stop me. I jerked my arm roughly to free myself from his grip and looked at him with irritation.
—“Don’t touch me again. If I remember correctly, you said you preferred not to see me again in your life because I hadonly disappointed you, so I’ll spare you the unpleasantness and continue on my way. I guarantee that I don’t enjoy running into you either.”
Lino was watching me carefully, and his air of superiority had given way to something resembling desperation, though I doubted I was causing him that emotion.
—“Devon, I assure you that what I said isn’t what I was thinking,” he said, shaking his head. “I was just distressed and didn’t know how to handle the situation.”
—“Of course you didn’t know how to handle it, although that doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me. But there’s no resentment anymore because you ended up doing me a favor,” I said, and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.
—“What do you mean?”
—“It doesn’t matter anymore. I have to go.”
—“So now you’re happier than when you were with me? Is that it? Well, let me tell you that you’re making a mistake.”
—“Goodbye, Lino.”
—“Devon, I needed to see you. It’s true that we didn’t meet by chance today, I came here for you.”
—“I have nothing to talk about with you. We’ve already said everything and that’s in the past.”
—“The past? Since you mention it, do you know William Cavaller’s past?” he asked, and his expression immediately changed as he looked at me as if he knew something I didn’t.
My heart seemed to stop for a few painfully eternal moments.
—“My life is none of your business, Lino,” I said, trying not to show how much his question had disturbed me.
—“Of course it is. You were my wife, Devon. We were together for many years and that’s not something you forget.”
—“Well, let me remind you that you forgot it quite quickly.”
Lino shook his head and then ran a hand through his hair. I knew that gesture; he did it when he was overwhelmed by a situation. Before, seeing him like that would have worried and distressed me, but at that moment I just wanted him to leave and let me be.
“You're never going to forgive me for the divorce, are you?”
“You're wrong. The divorce would have happened sooner or later because we didn't love each other.”
“That's not true,” he interrupted. “I loved you, I lov…”
“Don't you dare say it! One doesn't destroy what one loves. You didn't love me, and I didn't love you either, though I never disrespected you the way you did me. I forgive you for the separation because we couldn't continue like that, what I don't forgive is all the pain you caused me, not because of the divorce, but because of your attitude toward my inability to be a mother. You treated me as little more than useless, defective, good for nothing. You blamed me for ruining your life. As I told you at the time, if that was the case, I'm sorry for doing it, though it was unconsciously.” I sighed, wearily. “I've left all that behind, I'm happy, Lino. I don't hold any grudges anymore. I hope you're happy too and that you can fulfill all your dreams.”
“Are you happy with that guy? Really?” he asked, and once again that expression of knowing something I didn't know returned to his face.
“I am.”
“Then you're living a lie.”
“I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with all this, but I'm not willing to keep listening to all the nonsense you're saying.”
I turned to resume my path toward my car, but again he stood in front of me.
“I'm just asking you to give me a few minutes. Let's go to the café on the corner and talk while we have coffee. I know I don't deserve anything from you,” he said, and for the first time since we had separated, I could see his eyes mist over with something resembling remorse, “but I beg you to listen to me. Don't do it for me, do it for all the years we were together and were happy.”
I didn't understand anything. What was he trying to do?
“Lino, I repeat, we have nothing to talk about.”
