Page 97 of My Heart's Doctor
I said goodbye to the doorman and, after what I’d heard, I left there certain that she had left the city, and probably had done so because of my reaction to her confession. At that moment, since she was ignoring my calls, I decided that we couldn’t be out of communication for so long and sent her a message.
Me:
“I need to talk to you. Where are you?
Can you answer me?”
The message wasn’t delivered, so there weren’t many options; either her phone was turned off or she had blocked me. I was in big trouble, but I had to accept her decision.
After analyzing the situation for a long time, desperation gave way to another equally disheartening emotion, because I resigned myself. Perhaps this time without seeing or talking toeach other would give us the space we needed to think and reflect on our relationship and what we felt for each other, at least for me, because perhaps all Devon felt at this moment was tremendous disappointment. If that was the case, there wasn’t much to do or say.
The week passed frustratingly slowly; I was already fed up with work and feeling like shit. I missed her. Not even the frantic pace of my routine allowed me to stop thinking about her or made the days pass more quickly; everything had slowed down. Time had never moved so slowly, and that week had seemed like a month. I think even time had turned against me to punish my stupidity.
That day Xavier had returned to the company because he had arrived from New York the day before. We had been in meetings all morning because, although we were in daily contact and I had joined many meetings virtually, it wasn’t the same as discussing all company matters in person.
At lunchtime he came back to my office to invite me to lunch with him.
“With that sour face, I don’t really feel like inviting you to lunch, but since I’m a good friend, I’ll put up with your bad mood and keep you company for a bit,” said Xavier, entering my office without knocking.
“You want to enjoy my company, you bastard? Are you sure?” I asked, looking at him seriously.
“I am. I think you need to get some air and let out everything you’re holding inside because you’re going to explode any moment.”
“Are you a psychologist now?” I said ironically.
“You don’t need to be one to know that you’re suffering from lovesickness, and I think yours has a name and surname and also a doctor’s title.”
I looked at him seriously but didn’t respond. I got up from my chair under his attentive, mocking gaze.
“Very well, let’s go to lunch,” I said, moving toward the door.
At the restaurant, we ordered our meals and Xavier leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Spit it out already. What happened between you and the beautiful Devon?”
“I screwed up monumentally,” I replied, running a hand through my hair.
“You screwed up,” he repeated, abandoning his mockery and looking at me seriously. “What did you do, you idiot?”
“We were together again, but when I proposed a relationship she...”
“Wait!” he interrupted me, uncrossing his arms and leaning toward the table with a look of disbelief. “You asked her to be your girlfriend? And what do you know about being a boyfriend? You didn’t even date your wife; you went from sleeping with her a few times to having a baby on the way and getting married. Boyfriend and girlfriend? At your age?”
“Call it whatever you like. What I mean is a formal relationship where, if everything goes well and the relationship grows, we can look ahead and think about a future together.”
“You’re going to get married again? You said you would never marry again,” he stated incredulously.
“I don’t know, I’m confused,” I replied, resting my elbows on the table and holding my head in my hands.
“Do you have any idea what a formal relationship is?” he asked, still looking at me with surprise.
“Not a fucking clue, but it’s the way you should be with a woman like her, and I want Devon to be only mine. But she didn’t accept.”
“She didn’t accept? Are you telling me I still have a chance with her?” he joked, or at least I assumed he was joking, because otherwise I’d have to think my friend didn’t value his life at all.
“Don’t be an idiot and stop with that because you know I don’t find it the least bit funny,” I warned him seriously.
“Why didn’t she accept your proposal of relationship?” he said ironically.
