Page 108 of Holiday Star
“Can you tell me what’s going on? What’s worrying you?”
Caleb answers right away. “I’m scared I’ll be awful. That everyone will see what a fake I am. I shouldn’t care about their opinions, the negative reviews. Most of the time, I convince myself that I don’t. But in the end, I suppose I do. I depend on that…external validation, I guess you’d call it? I need that to know if I’m any good.”
I rub my thumb over the back of his hand. “Okay, let me tell you. Listen tomewhen I say that you are good. You’re amazing. So talented. I’ve seen it, and everyone else will, too. And if they don’t. If you get a bad review. You know what? Fuck’em. It won’t be the end of you. Your world won’t crumble. You have a lot of people who love you. Therealyou. You don’t need the worship of strangers. Your parents, your friends, my family,me. We’ll all still be here if you succeed or if you fail. It won’t change how we feel about you. Our love for you isn’t dependent on how you perform.” I stop, a little breathless from my big speech.
Caleb is staring at me, his eyes as round as saucers. I’m satisfied to note that his breathing has slowed somewhat.
“Tell me what else. What else scares you?”
He swallows thickly. “There’s just so many of them. So many people are out there. I’m worried I’ll look up and see them all, and it’ll be too much. Too many people staring back at me.”
I think for a minute, trying to figure out a solution. “What if you pretend it’s only me out there in the crowd? You know where I’m sitting, right?”
He nods.
“When you look out at the audience, find me. Just like you did when we went to karaoke together.Onlylook at me. I’ll be staring straight at you with a big smile on my face. Can you do that?”
“Maybe.” Then more firmly, “I think I can.” He’s still frowning, but his foot has stopped jiggling and his shoulders have relaxed back in their normal position.
The door opens. A stagehand leans into the room. “You’re on, Mr. Lawson. Time to take your place.”
Caleb stiffens, but I keep rubbing my finger over his skin. “Breathe, Caleb, breathe. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
He lets out the air he’s been holding a soft whoosh. I’ve never been so proud of him as I am when he stands up, squares his shoulders, and steps toward the door. Right before he reaches it, Caleb whirls around and takes me into his arms. He kisses me once, quick and firm, before he leaves the room.
71
He’s magnificent, of course. I had no doubt. Watching Caleb up on that stage is a thing of beauty. Every expression on his handsome face seems so genuine, so real. He has this way of sucking you in, making you invested in his character. So much that you feel like you are up there with him. Like it’s your life being played out in that story.
And when he sings, oh my, it’s the most breathtaking thing. At the end of his first song, the whole crowd hushes in awe of his voice. A split second after, the applause starts, everyone clapping so loudly that the sound swells, filling the entire theater.
Caleb stays true to his word, and so do I. Every time he looks out at the audience, his eyes seek mine. Searching until he finds me. He captures me in his stare as I grin my widest grin up at him. I will my strength into him, sending it across the space that separates us. Hoping it reaches his heart.
At the end of the show, he gets a standing ovation. The crowd surges to their feet, applauding wildly. I clap the loudest of all.
Caleb stands there with a bemused expression. For the first time, he allows his gaze to travel over the theater, taking in all the people cheering for him.
He grins then. A proud smile, lighting up his entire face.
Once the applause has died out, Caleb strides past the other actors. He descends the stairs by the side of the stage and pushes through the crowd that moves to surround him. People clap him on the back and shoulders, congratulating him.
He walks by all those fans until he reaches me. There, in front of the entire theater, Caleb Freaking Lawson lifts me into his arms and kisses me.
The best, sweetest, most thrilling kiss.
When he places me on my feet, Caleb looks down and gives me a smile, small and tender.
A smile for only one person in the crowd.
Just for me.
72
Six months later, California
Same as last year, it’s Christmas day and I’m at my mom’s house in California. Except thatnothingis the same as last year. Back then, I felt alone and abandoned. Now, the renovations are complete, and my family has been reunited.
Seth, Mom, Ben, and Marjorie sit around the kitchen table talking and working on a new puzzle, a jungle scene this time.
