Page 23 of Holiday Star
“Yes, you are.”
As I wipe my mouth with a napkin, my eyes scan the mall, searching through the holiday shopping crowd.
“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?” Jenny asks quietly.
Pretending not to understand, I respond, “Who?”
I should have known better. She’s not fooled. “You know who.” She sets her mouth in a thin line. “Jax, that’s who.”
“How’d you guess?”
Jenny gives me a knowing stare. “Because you’re the most predictable person I’ve ever met.”
Even though she’s right and her words hold no venom, they still sting. I add her description of me to the one Mom talked about when I called her the other day. Dependable, responsible, and now predictable Gwen.
That’s me. Yuck.
“Who knows if he’s in town?” The memory of high-school Jax, god of Abercrombie good looks, grinning at me over his calculator, flashes through my mind. I blink that image away. “He’s probably still in San Diego, teaching kindergarten. I’m not sure if they’re out for winter break yet.” I fold my dirty napkin into a square and then triangles.
A loud silence from my best friend. I look up and pin her with a stare. “Jenny?”
“Jax is home for Christmas,” she admits reluctantly.
“How do you know?” I search the crowd in earnest now. As if my ex might suddenly appear. I’m usually good at not thinking about him, but whenever I’m here, when the possibility of seeing him becomes a reality, I can’t stop looking.
It’s not impossible, right?Maybe fate would throw him in my path again, except this time he would have broken up with Sophie. We could tell our children about how Mommy and Daddy would never have reconciled except for that day when Daddy was craving some frozen yogurt and decided to go to the mall. It would be our second “meet cute.” Like in the romance novels I read. How the man and woman always meet in a cute way.
A better one, since I don’t actually remember our first “meet cute.” Jax had always just been there in the background of my life, ever since we were in the same preschool. Sure, I didn’t speak with him until our senior year of high school, but I knew he was around. All those years, I kept him in my peripheral vision. Not daring to look at him directly.
Once I finally did talk to him, that had been it. Together for six years, engaged for one. I had believed it would last forever.
Stupid me.
“Sarah told me.” Jenny answers my question. “Said he’s been hanging out at Shooter’s.”
That’s where I saw him the last time. Over two years ago, in that dump of a bar our classmates return to every holiday break. He had been sitting on a stool with a giggling Sophie in his lap. I had lasted all of five minutes as he whispered in her ear before I begged Jenny to leave.
“You’ve got to move on.” Jenny uses her stern voice, bringing me back to the present.
“I have,” I lie.
She looks like she wants to shake me. “You haven’t. You’ve barely dated since you broke up, and the guys you’ve gone out with never get past a third date. It’s been three years now. I know you don’t always see it, but you’re pretty, Gwen. I’ve seen a lot of guys check you out, but you ignore them.”
“I’ve been a little busy, you know. Going to medical school and then getting into residency aren’t easy. I had to do a lot of studying. You should remember. You were there for most of it.” I cross my arms over my chest, defensive.
“Yeah, I do know. But somehow other people make time for romance. What about that girl across the hall from us? Back in the dorms? Diana, was that her name? She went on to medical school like youandhad a steady boyfriend.”
I don’t bother telling Jenny that Diana was in an M.D.-Ph.D program yet still maintained a boyfriend. That information won’t help my case.
Jenny’s eyes bore into me. “You romanticize Jax. He wasn’t as perfect in real life. Remember when your appendix ruptured and you were in the hospital for three days? He only came to visit you once.”
This is a long-running argument. Jenny has never been a huge fan of Jax. Even after all this time, even after his betrayal, I fall into my old role of defending him to her. “That’s because he’s squeamish. You know that.”
I remember how I would tell Jax about a particularly interesting patient from the hospital, and he would ask me to stop because it made him queasy.
She’s not done. “You’re a doctor, Gwen. That’s who you are. Didn’t you worry that would be a problem? That he couldn’t stand to be anywhere near a hospital? I’m just saying you put him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve. You use that false memory of him to keep other guys away.”
“Okay. Okay, I get it,” I grumble, wanting her to drop the subject. “Get over Jax. Love again. I’ll be sure to add it to my list for Santa. I’ll tell him the next time I sit on his lap.”
