Page 83 of Holiday Star
There are tears in my eyes by the time I’m done talking. I’m sad for not just me, but also for him, to be saying these things. I don’t wish to hurt Caleb, especially after everything he’s been through. If he relapses back into drinking because of me, I would feel so guilty. No matter what happens between us, I will always want the best for him. Isn’t that what true love is all about?
He grips my hand even harder, gazing intently into my eyes. “Iwon’tchange my mind. I swear it. I never did, although I told you differently.”
Gently, I pull my hand away. “You shouldn’t say that. Things change. People change. You can’t promise forever.”
He flinches. I’ve injured him, and the realization makes me sick. “I understand,” he says. A little part of me deflates, sad that he gave up so easily, but then he recaptures my hand and grips it, not letting go.
Eyes narrowed with steely determination; he rasps out, “Gwen, whatyouhave to understand is that I’m not done with you. I don’t care how many days, months, or years it takes. I don’t care what I have to do. Iamgoing to change your mind. Prove that you can trust me.” He squeezes my hand once, hard, to punctuate his next words. “I’m going to teach you that forever isn’t long enough for the two of us.”
Whoa. Was not expecting that.
My traitorous little heart kicks up a beat. I have a brief argument with it, demanding that it listen to reason while it ignores me, pitter pattering away in my chest. But I let it lead me last time, and all I got was misery. I need to be strong now, not allow those full lips to draw me in with their pretty promises.
I shake my head. “I’m not saying that you were right to break up with me at Christmas, but some of your points were valid. Our problems are the same now as they were then. How can we combine our lives when you have to travel and I’m stuck here? How does an ordinary person date someone famous?”
Caleb’s quick to correct me. “There’s nothing ordinary about you. That’s why I can’t let you walk away. Do we have issues we need to work out? Sure, but I’m willing to try.”
A sharp jab of anger then. Where was this Caleb when I needed him? When he abandoned me in California and left me alone to pick up the pieces?
“I’m sorry, but it’s best if I go.” I remember talking to my mother. Months ago, I told her I wouldn’t do anything stupid with Caleb. If I stay here any longer, I’ll break that vow. Already my resolve wavers. Before he can say another word, I’m up, running along the aisle to burst through the double doors into the lobby.
I don’t even glance back to see if Caleb watches me leave.
53
Islink down my apartment stairs the next morning, barely able to open my eyes. Last night, I hadn’t slept at all. I had just hugged Pip and alternated between crying into her wiry fur and staring blankly into the darkness of my room, running over the reunion with Caleb. Questioning if I made the right choice.
Now, I have an early shift at the hospital to slog through. Twelve hours of charts and patients. At least it should help take my mind off him.
Dawn is just breaking as I stumble out into the street and then freeze. Wayne is waiting for me as usual. But so is Caleb. They talk to each other with the familiarity of old friends. Caleb must say something funny because Wayne throws his head back and laughs in a full-bellied way I didn’t think he was capable of.
Caleb’s facing away from me. He hasn’t seen me yet. I take the time to drink him in. My gaze lingers on the angle of his jaw, the curve of his ear with the tiny scar at the bottom, how his golden hair peaks out from under his baseball cap, glinting in the early morning light.
When I glance up, I see Wayne watching me. He smirks. The look of a man who reads the last chapter in a book before starting at the beginning. I frown, sending him my most piercing glare, but that just makes him grin wider.
Caleb follows Wayne’s smile, tracing it back to me. When he sees me, his own sunny grin lifts the corners of his mouth. “Gwen.” Dammit, my name sounds so good coming from those lips.
Round G. Flat N.
Caleb plucks the steaming coffee cup out of Wayne’s grip. Ignoring Wayne’s vocal protests, he walks over and hands it to me.
“Good morning.” His gaze roams over my body, head to toe and back again, lingering on my red, puffy eyes. Concern darkens his expression, but he quickly smooths it away. “I know Wayne has been walking you to work, but I’m going to take over for him today.”
Wayne makes an indignant sound, telling me this is news to him as well, but he doesn’t stop Caleb.
More hesitant now, his voice tight with trepidation, Caleb asks. “If that’s okay with you, that is…if you’ll let me walk you?”
My emotions are all over the place. Relieved to see Caleb here when last night I had convinced myself I would never see him again. Scared that his presence will lead to more heartache. Proud of him, that he’s taking this risk, being out in public just to takemeto work. I’m still angry that he left me, hurt me. My thoughts are too tumultuous to speak, so I shrug and turn away, not wanting him to read the conflict on my face.
Caleb falls easily in step beside me. He’s quiet for the first few moments, then he looks at the cup I’m holding. He laughs softly. “I see you somehow tamed the infamous Wayne. Leave it to you to have him bringing coffee every morning. Most people are terrified of him. Not you, though. You’ve got him eating out of your hand.”
He shakes his head ruefully. Quietly, he says, “I can’t blame him. I’m the same way when it comes to you.”
The confession makes me swallow hard, something hot and full blooming in my chest. I don’t trust myself enough to respond.
Humming to himself, we continue down the street. I steal glances at Caleb when he looks away, noting how his face and body have filled out again. How healthy he seems compared to when he first showed up at my mom’s house before Christmas.
He changes the tune of his humming, and it reminds me of how he once said that he has a soundtrack always running in his head, even when he’s walking down the street. I listen more closely, trying to make out the tune. My heart does a somersault when I place it.
