Page 86 of Holiday Star
As we continue, my curiosity builds. I want to know more about what’s going on in his life. How he ended up here in New York. “You’ll be in a musical? I’m assuming that means you have to sing? And you said something about your song being on the radio?”
Caleb stretches out his neck, cracking it to one side and then the other with loud popping sounds. “I recorded a few tracks before I left L.A. Mostly stuff I worked on over Christmas at your house.”
He sighs sadly, and I know we are both remembering those times, all the love and how it ended.
“Anyway, the producers liked them. They want to make a full-length album once I get enough material. The showrunners of the musical got hold of some early releases from those tracks. They called my agent to audition me. I figured they were considering me for a supporting part, something little. You can’t imagine my shock when they offered me the lead role.”
Our conversation pauses as an ambulance rushes by, its sirens wailing. Once it’s moved farther down the street, I ask. “Are you nervous? Singing in front of a crowd?”
“Absolutely terrified. Going to the recording studio was fine, fun even. It was like a movie set. Small space. Not many people were around. Everyone was a professional. My manager knows I’m worried, so she brought in more and more people to watch me record. It was okay, but I still haven’t sung in front of a crowd as big as at the theater.”
When Caleb turns his face to me, there’s a haunted look to him. Fear shining in those fine blue eyes. His voice drops low and raspy. “I’m scared I can’t do it. Everyone keeps telling me I can. I want to believe them, I really do, but what if they’re wrong?”
I’m puzzled by his confession. “Why did you agree to do it? The musical? If you weren’t sure?”
Caleb widens his eyes and gives me a pointed stare, his silence speaking volumes.
“Oh,” I say and then with deeper understanding, “Oh.”
Me? He came here for me?
He shrugs. “I heard the words New York, and I jumped at the chance.”
He makes it sound so simple when, clearly, it’s not.
57
This goes on for two more days, Caleb waiting for me before and after work. Just Caleb, no Wayne. He must have told Wayne he wasn’t needed anymore. I almost miss that grumpy, smoke-tinged reporter. He had been one of the most consistent people in my life for the past few months. I might even call him my friend.
Each of those days I rush out of the hospital with my heart in my throat, sure Caleb will be gone. That he’ll let me down. But every time, he’s there, waiting for me with a smile, small and tender, one I’ve never seen on the movie screen or in a magazine. A smile that he’s designed only for me.
As we walk home on the fifth day, Caleb sighs loudly. “This has been so…” He pauses, scrunching his nose in a way that I try not to find adorable. “Nice isn’t a big enough word, but I’m not sure what to call it. Great. Wonderful. I don’t know. I really love spending time with you.”
Though the words are kind, there’s something mournful in his tone. I curse myself, thinking this is it. Just when I’m starting to trust him again, this is when he leaves.
But that’s not what he says. “They’ll find us soon. The paparazzi. The fans. I’m surprised they haven’t already, even with Wayne helping.” He laughs lightly when he sees my quizzical expression. “Wayne has a lot of sway with the rest of them. I promised him an exclusive if he could keep everyone away for a little while, so I could be alone with you.”
Ah,I think. Clever Wayne. Business is business, after all.
Caleb continues, “Wayne kept his promise. But even he can’t hold them off forever.” He shakes his head. “I think Wayne’s really doing it for you, keeping them away. That’s how much he likes you. Which is crazy because he doesn’t like anyone.”
“I think he’s lonely,” I say softly, picturing the wiry reporter.
“He would hate to hear you say that.” Caleb gives me a sideways glance.
“Doesn’t make it any less true.”
We’re in front of my apartment now. We face each other, and I’m momentarily overcome by Caleb’s proximity. He’s so close I could reach out and touch him. Wind my arms around his neck. Lift my lips up to meet his, soft and full. Fold myself into the warmth and comfort of his body.
But I don’t.
Fear and the memory of what it’s like to lose him holds me back.
Caleb stares down at me, his mouth and the corners of his eyes turned down as if he’s worried. “It can get a little out of control with the press, but I know you can handle it. If you can’t, that’s all right, too. Just tell me. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, thinking I understand.
I have no fucking clue.
