Page 63 of Holiday Star
Ouch. I’m a distraction.
Something about hearing me in those terms makes my stomach turn sour.
Caleb steps closer to Marjorie. “You have to stop doing this, Mother. Stop smothering me, trying to control me. You had no right to give orders to my team without my permission.”
“What was I supposed to do?” Marjorie cries out. “You had disappeared. Stopped talking to all of us. It took me forever to find you. Don’t you know I worry about you, Caleb? Don’t you know I love you?” She continues, “And now this! You and Gwen? Everyone knows about you two.” She darts a glare my way, brandishing her phone with the picture of us kissing like it’s a weapon. “It’s all over the internet.”
Caleb narrows his eyes at his mother. “Mom, stop. I’m a grown man. I can do whatever I want with my career. I can date whoever I want. I —”
There’s the sound outside of car doors slamming and the murmur of voices.
Caleb swears under his breath. He leaves me and rushes to the window, peeking through the curtains. He turns back to us, but it isn’t me he looks at. It’s his mother. “The press,” he says grimly. “They’re here.”
Marjorie pales, clutching her chest.
My phone rings in my hand, my mom’s name lighting up the screen. Frightened by the dire expression on Caleb and Marjorie’s faces, I pick up. “Mom?”
My mom’s voice is tight with worry. “Gwen, what’s going on? I turned on my computer this morning, and I see a picture that looks like you and Caleb kissing. Is this real?”
Shit.
“Yes, it’s true. Caleb and I are together.”
Baffled, Mom says, “I don’t understand. We talked about this.”
Caleb must guess why my mom is calling. We exchange glances filled with dismay.
“I know it’s a shock for you all to find out this way,” I tell Mom. “But we’re together, and I love him.”
Caleb’s looking right into my eyes as I say the last part. He gives me a small proud smile, and, for a minute, I think everything is going to be okay.
My mother’s voice is pure steel, a tone I’ve never heard from her before. “Absolutelynot. You are not in love. Not after a month of hiding, keeping secrets. This is not love. It’s lust and foolishness. I will not stand for it. I won’t let you do it. Ruin your future. I’m so disappointed in you, Gwen. I can’t believe you would lie to your parents like this.”
“Seth’s not my parent!” I interject, which my mom ignores.
She continues, full of judgment. “I told Seth I didn’t trust Caleb, but no, Seth thinks the world of him. Well, I’ve read the articles about him. I’ve seen the magazine pictures of him out partying, women hanging off him like jewelry. After all this, even Seth will have to see the truth. Likeyouneed to see that Caleb’s changing you. You used to have such a good head on your shoulders and now look what’s happened.”
I fight back. “He’s not changing me, Mom, at least not in a bad way. I know it makes you more comfortable when I’m predictable and reliable. The person you needed me to be after Dad died. You needed my help to raise Teddy and contain Brandon’s anger. I became the good girl who never challenged you.” Tears gather in my eyes and spill, scalding down my cheeks.
Caleb goes stiff when he sees that I’m crying, tension radiating off him in waves.
I continue talking to Mom. “I’m tired of being that person. I’ve never felt more whole than I do when I’m with Caleb. More myself. There are parts of me I’ve hidden because I was scared to hurt you. I can show those things to him, and he still loves me.”
Mom is livid. “I’m sorry that I was busy working to keep a roof over your head. I get that you were forced to grow up quickly and take on a lot of responsibility. It’s not what I wanted, but your dad dying wasn’t what I wanted, either. We play the hand we’re dealt the best way we can. You had to be mature, and I had to put my life on hold.”
What a nightmare. I squeeze my eyes closed, wishing this mess would disappear. When I open them, I see Marjorie and Ben glaring at me. Their anger and distrust hits like a sucker punch to the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. As I watch, they pull Caleb to the side of the room and begin a frantic whispered conversation with him. I wish I knew what they’re saying.
Mom continues her rant. “What about your brothers? Don’t you think this will affect them, too? Already they’re getting phone calls asking what’s going on. Everyone will talk aboutallof us. This isn’t only about you. We’re all going to suffer the consequences when this relationship blows up in your face. I can’t believe you’re being so self-centered.”
Her words make anger trickle up from deep inside of me. It rises to the surface and stays there, simmering in my veins. “I’m sorry I’m not taking everyone else’s feelings into consideration for once, but it’s time I lived life for myself. I can’t keep putting what I want aside for the rest of you.”
“Why not? That’s what I did for years, Gwen. Years!” Mom fires back.
“Because you’re the mom. You’resupposedto sacrifice for your kids. I’m your daughter. Not your husband. Not your co-parent. I’m the child. I’m supposed to focus on buildingmylife. To decide what’s best for me.”
“Congratulations, then. You’re being unbelievably selfish. Bravo.” She’s pure ice, cold and bitter. “The fact is that you lied to me. After your dad died, you were the one person I could rely on. Now, how can I ever trust you?”
The thought of Mom hating me forever has me trembling. This has been my biggest fear all along. That if I change and become the woman I want to be, it will disrupt the delicate balance in my family. That my mother and brothers won’t accept any version of me except the one they’ve known. I can’t stand the idea of them rejecting me.
