Page 75 of Paging Dr. Hart
I want a life filled with people and laughter, a husband, children, and friends. A full table on Thanksgiving, a home with crumpled wrapping paper and toys to assemble at Christmas. Summer vacations road-tripping in a car packed to the brim, heading to sandy beaches.
I want double dates with Melanie and midnight kisses with…Ethan? Is it too early to think about that? We’ve only shared one kiss, but when I picture that hazy future his face is the clearest thing I can see.
But how can Ethan be my future when he doesn’t know about my past? This line of thought leads right back to Rafe, which is what I want to avoid the most.
“You drink, Ethan,” I command.
“That’s fair.” His earlier tension is gone. My answer seemed to satisfy him. He takes a long draw from his sake drink. It’s almost finished now.
“It’s my turn.” What should I ask next? It comes to me, something I’ve been wondering about. “You didn’t think about me much during those five days that you didn’t call after Cleveland.” If I’m being honest, it still bothers me, those five long agonizing days.
A stormy expression moves over Ethan’s face. “Wrong.” His voice is harsher than I anticipated. “I thought about youeveryday. After being with you so much, it was like being in withdrawal.”
His voice softens. “I missed you. Missed how you close your eyes when you take the first sip of coffee in the morning. Missed seeing the freckles on yournose after your makeup was washed off at night. I missed those see-through white shorts you sleep in. I always knew what color your panties were.” He smirks at my startled gasp. He moves close, bringing his mouth up to my ear. “The pink ones with the cheetah print are my favorite.” His smile curls, lightly brushing my earlobe, and a thrill runs through my body. I’m stunned silent, gaping at him. Ethan leans back and folds his arms over his chest with a satisfied expression. “Since you know I thought about you, take a drink.”
I swallow several sips in a row.
“I get to make the assumption now,” Ethan reminds me. He taps his chin, thinking for a minute, and then smiles crookedly and says, “The kiss earlier today was the best you’ve ever had.”
I pick up my glass and drain the rest of my drink, right down to the bottom. When I slam the empty glass on the bar, it rattles the drinks around us.
“Good,” says Ethan as he polishes off his drink as well. “It was my best, too.”
62
It’s past 11:00 p.m., and the park has closed. On the bus ride back to the hotel, Ethan holds my hand, rubbing his thumb slowly over my knuckles as he looks out the window. There’s a feeling of connection between us. It’s an invisible string winding around, binding us together.
“Are you nervous about your big lecture tomorrow?” He leans his cheek against the top of my head.
“Yes,” I answer honestly.
“You’re going to be amazing,” he says with quiet certainty. “You’ve been practicing for months.”
All day the sky has promised a storm. As we pull up to the hotel, it finally delivers. Stuttering flashes of lightning are followed by low booms of thunder. A torrent of rain hits the ground so hard that raindrops bounce back up before falling to merge with the growing puddles on the concrete.
We run from the bus to the hotel. Ethan is right behind me, his hand on the small of my back, a bit of warmth on my otherwise cold body. Once inside the hotel, the air conditioning adds a chill to our rain-soaked skin, so Ethan and I quickly head up to my room.
He goes straight to the thermostat on the wall, cranking it up. There’s a whoosh and that particular burnt plastic smell that comes from a heater when it’s first turned on. A vent sits high in the ceiling. I move so I’m directly under it, hands up to catch the hot air spilling out like I’m warming myself at a campfire. Standing there soaking wet with my arms raised and back arched, I can feel my wet clothing cling to every curve of my body.
When I look at Ethan, I see him frozen in the doorway, staring at me withwide, hungry eyes full of heat as they roam over me, leaving a blazing trail that warms me from the inside out.
Breath catching in my throat, I watch as Ethan stalks across the room. His eyes are locked on me like he’s a heat-seeking missile and I’m on fire. Once he reaches me, I place my hands on his chest. The warmth from his body sears through his wet clothing and leaks into my palms. Desire surges through me.
I want to be close to him. To know him, every inch inside and out. I long for him to know me, too. To stop hiding parts of myself. But I’m too scared and caught up in the moment to tell him about my past. I won’t risk losing him, not tonight, when he’s looking at me like this.
Like his heart is in my hands.
Ethan kisses me. This kiss isn’t like the one on the pier. This one is ravenous. It’s fast and hard, overwhelming. Lust unfurls deep inside as my body responds to the greedy demands of his lips and tongue. My breath and heart quicken. A molten heaviness grows between my legs.
As we continue to kiss, Ethan walks me slowly backward until I bump into the wall behind me. He pins me there, trapped like a butterfly under glass, between the wall and his hard chest, with no space between us. He places his hands on the wall on both sides of my head, leaning his full body weight against me.
I push him back slightly, my fingers shaking, and undo the buttons on his shirt one by one. The shirt slides easily off his shoulders. His lean, muscled chest is warm under my fingers as I run my hands over him, loving the hard ridges and valleys of his body. It’s not enough. I’m greedy for him. I need to feelallof him.
Ethan bends his head to taste the hollow below my ear. He slides his mouth down my neck and kisses my collarbone. I move my head to the side to give him better access as he continues to kiss down my body. When he cups and squeezes my breast through the soaked fabric of my shirt, I can’t help but arch my body into his, moaning softly.
I want more contact, crave it.
Ethan untucks my shirt, lifts it over my head, and tosses it aside. The blast of air from the vent over our heads warms my rain-slicked skin. His handsare deft as he reaches behind and unclasps my bra with a simple twist of his fingers. The metal clasp of the bra makes a small clink as it falls to the floor between our feet. Reverent, Ethan traces his gaze and then his fingers over my breasts. His eyes flick up to meet mine.
