Page 65 of Holiday Wedding
She sniffs, clearly proud of herself. “I told him I didn’t want to date a smoker. I saw too many of them in the ICU, hooked up to oxygen, gasping like fish out of water.”
“Wow.” I’m truly impressed. “He must love you to give it up.”
“We haven’t used that word yet. But we’re talking about taking a trip together. One withoutyou.” She gives me a look, then runs her eyes over our hotel room with distaste. I know what she means. Threadbare carpet. Boring tan walls and dingy curtains. This definitely doesn’t count as a romantic getaway. “Thought we might rent an RV, see the country. After your wedding, of course.”
It’s something I wouldn’t have been able to picture before. City slickers Alvina and Wayne out on the open highway. However, a few years ago I wouldn’t have pictured myself living in New York, engaged to a hot movie star.
That’s the amazing thing about love. It opens you up to possibilities you could never imagine on your own.
I lean my chin on my hand. “I wondered about that fishing magazine Wayne was reading. It’s for your trip, isn’t it? To prepare?”
She nods shyly.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’m happy for you. Why hide it?” I can’t keep the hurt from my voice. I’ve been left out. The unknowing third wheel on their bicycle.
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “At first, we thought it wouldn’t mean anything, that it wouldn’t last. You and Caleb might be stressed out if we broke it off. You’d feel like you had to pick sides. Later, I almost told you, but you’ve been so busy with work and the wedding. It never seemed like the right time.”
Guilt makes her eyes skitter away from mine. “I’m sorry for how you found out.”
“I get it,” I say.
“You do?” She looks back at me, hopeful.
“I have a history of hiding my relationship too, you know.”
She shakes her head in dismissal and says, “That was different.”
“The part that bothers me the most, besides the lying and sneaking around, is that you thought I was too busy for you. It’s been crazy the past couple of months, but I’ll always make time for you. Whatever, whenever, I’m here for you. You’re good at being there for others,” I add, pinning her with a stare, “but not so great at accepting that same help.”
“It’s true,” Alvina admits. She says, “You have the same problem. I see you struggle to adjust to Caleb’s lifestyle. Does Caleb know what you’re going through?”
I drop my chin. “No. I’m too used to relying on myself when things get tough. When my dad died and my mom and Brandon were always gone, I was drowning, but I didn’t want Teddy to worry. He needed me to be his rock, his anchor, so I learned to push my bad feelings down. To handle everything on my own. I have no idea how to unlearn those habits. They’re ingrained in me.”
She pats my hand gently. “Now’s the time to let that go. It really does take a village to adjust to being a wife and, someday, a mom. Ask us, Gwen. We all want to help you. Lean on us. Please don’t do it all yourself.”
I nod with understanding. It’ll take practice to break down my walls of self-reliance, but she’s right. I’ll burn myself out if I do everything alone.
“I’ll try,” I tell her.
24
Saturday, December 21
3 days until the wedding
Gwen
In the bathroom, with the door closed for privacy, I try Caleb one last time before going to bed. He picks up on the third ring, groggy, his voice more raspy than usual.
“Hey. Sorry to wake you,” I whisper in a soft tone, feeling guilty for interrupting his sleep. He works hard, long hours.
“No. No,” he says to reassure me. There’s a rustling in the background, sheets and blankets being tossed aside. I assume he’s sitting up. Maybe he’s moved to the chair in the corner of the room. “I’m glad you did. I was waiting for you but must have fallen asleep. I see I missed your call. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. How are you?” I ask, my heart warming from the sound of his voice.
“Bad,” he says, his tone flat.
Alarmed, I clutch the phone tighter. “Why?”
