Page 67 of Holiday Love
“He’s just scared of Dad,” I told her.
She let out a soft sigh. “I know your dad can be hard-headed, but that’s how he shows love. With everything going on, with me, with work, he’s overwhelmed. Now you’ve got your first serious boyfriend…” She trails off, then adds gently, “Your dad doesn’t always know how to handle new variables. He’s a fixer, a protector. If he’s cold to Teddy, it’s not to be cruel. It’s fear. He’s scared of losingme. Scared of losingyou. Scared you’ll get hurt. We’ve never been good at letting you make your own mistakes, and that’s on us, sweetheart. Not you.”
There’s a lot to unpack in all of that. First, Teddy isn’treallymy boyfriend, even if I can still feel the ghost of his hands on me from this morning. Second, my mom is gently, almost casually, alluding to a time when she won’t be here. A time when my dad will be the only one left to watch over me, but I’m not ready to think about that.
None of us are.
Now, Teddy and I are in the car, driving back to Santa Monica. He’s quiet, staring out the window at the ocean with a pensive expression that feels unfamiliar on his usually open face. It’s throwing me off, not knowing what he’s thinking. He’s the kind of person who says everything out loud, no filter, no calculation. It’s one of the things I like about him. He carries the weight of the conversation so easily that, around him, I talk more than I ever have. I’m not sure what to do with this withdrawn version of him.
Finally, I can’t take the silence anymore. “What are you thinking? And why did you get so quiet after what happened this morning?” I can feel myself flushing at the memory, his mouth on my neck, his hands between my legs, but I power through. “Also,are you serious about the Coast Guard? I wasn’t trying to talk you into anything last night. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. Oh, and thank you for going to my parents’ house. Sorry my dad was mean. Are you mad at me?” I grip the wheel tighter, out of breath, every word tumbling out in one long, nervous stream.
Teddy turns to me, his eyebrows raised and eyes wide. “Wow, Helen. How long have you had all that bottled up?”
I stare straight ahead. “Umm, a while now, I guess?” A quick glance shows him chuckling, shaking his head with something that looks suspiciously like fondness.
“You know what I can’t figure out about you?”
“What?” I stiffen, bracing for something awful.
“How you’re a total boss in the ER, how you blurt out every wild thought in your head at the weirdest times,” he says, grinning at me, “and yet you still can’t manage a conversation with Lindsey that goes beyond what the weather will be like tomorrow.”
I shrug, a quick lift and drop of my shoulders. “That’s easy. When I’m in doctor mode, I know exactly what to say. It’s medicine. Lots of things are black and white. Most diseases follow patterns. Symptom A leads to Diagnosis B, which gives you Treatment C. Linear. Predictable. Safe.”
I draw in a breath. “You...well, that’s harder to explain. It’s just that you’re easy to talk to. You listen and never seem impatient or annoyed, even if it takes me forever to get to my point. You give me room to figure out what I’m trying to say. Most people rush to fill silences, and that makes it even harder to find the words. I don’t know.” I rub my forehead, wishing I could explain better. “Does that make any sense?”
He nods. “It totally does. And to answer your questions, I’m definitelynotmad at you. I never have been. I agreed to this whole fake-boyfriend charade, and I’m not backing out now.”
“Really?” I ask, the worry that’s been tugging at the edges of my mind finally breaking loose. “So you’ll do the boat parade and come for Christmas?”
I don’t want to disappoint my mom. I don’t want her to be sad during her favorite holiday. My dad might not have been thrilled about Teddy, but my mom lit up with joy. She loved having someone new to fuss over, to feed, to include. As much as I need the hospital to feel fulfilled, she needs to be a mom. All those years I was in New York were hard for her. Now I’m back, with aboyfriendin tow, and it’s like her personal version of heaven. Not just one kid to dote on, to spoil, but two.
“Wild reindeer couldn’t keep me away,” Teddy says with a grin.
I feel my shoulders drop as the tension drains out of me. I hadn’t realized how tightly I’d been holding on to that fear.
He goes on, “Let’s see, what else were you asking? Oh, right. Your dad. It’s fine. If I ever have a daughter, I’m sure I’ll be the same way.”
Something warm rushes through me at that thought. Teddy as a dad. He’d be a great one. So patient and kind.
He scratches his chin, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “I was serious about the Coast Guard.Ifyou’re serious about helping me. I’m not sure I can do it otherwise.”
“I mean it. I’ll tutor you.” I jump in too quick, too eager, but I don’t care. The idea excites me. Being a doctor isn’t just what I do. It’s who I am and lately, without patients to help and problems to solve, I’ve felt unmoored. Like I’m floating through my days. If Teddy hadn’t been around, I would’ve lost my mind by now. Teaching him might be exactly what I need. A way to feel useful. More like my old self.
Besides, it’s Teddy.
I’d do anything for him.
Teddy stops talking, but there’s one question he hasn’t answered, and I don’t think it’s because he forgot. I think he’s avoiding it, but it lingers between us, heavy in the air.
“About this morning?” I ask quietly. “How you freaked out after…”
He lets out a breath and drops his head. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“You didn’t like it? You regret it?” The words scrape their way out of my throat as my stomach sinks.
He barks out a sharp laugh. “Idefinitelyliked it. Like...a lot.”
His gaze flicks to mine, lingering just long enough to make my pulse catch. “That’s the problem. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
