Page 104 of Holiday Love
“I have,” I insist. “When I stopped dancing, you were sad, and then there’s how you’re so outgoing and social, and I’m...not. You love girlie things like getting your nails done, shopping, doing makeup together, but that never really interested me. I’m so different from you, and I’ve always felt guilty about that. Like I wasn’t the daughter you pictured.”
“Oh, honey,” she says, shaking her head. “None of that ever bothered me. Different doesn’t mean bad. You think I wanted a little clone of myself? That would’ve been so boring.”
I let out a tearful laugh, but she keeps going, her voicethick but sure.
“One of the greatest joys of being a parent has beenmelearning fromyou. You’ve shown me how to see the world through your eyes, through science and medicine. You’ve taught me things I never would’ve understood otherwise. Like how to slow down and really think things through. Please, never believe you disappointed me. I’ve always been proud of you. Honestly? I’m inspired by you.”
I should be happy to hear this praise from my mom, but guilt twists in my gut, sharp and sour because I’m not as wonderful as she thinks. I’ve been lying to her for months now. Another thing I’ll regret if I don’t come clean.
Staring at my hands, I murmur, “I’m not as successful as I led you to believe.”
Mom’s brow furrows. “What? Why would you say that?”
I drop my gaze to the floor. “I got in trouble at work. Actually…I got suspended.”
Her mouth opens in shock, but I lift a hand before the questions can tumble out.
“Don’t worry,” I say quickly. “I’ve been reinstated. Everything’s fine now, but I lied to you and Dad. I didn’t work for almost all of November and December.”
Her silence urges me to keep going, so I do.
“Teddy drowned. I hadn’t seen him since Gwen’s wedding, but he ended up in my ER. He was dying. Flatlined and I…” My voice falters. “I broke protocol. I wasn’t supposed to treat him, but I did. I couldn’t risk losing him.”
Her lips part, but she doesn’t speak. She’s just watching me, waiting.
“When he was coding,” I whisper, “I thought about you. I imagined it was you lying there, dying. I asked myself, what would I want the doctor treating you to do? The answer was simple. I’d want them to keep going. To tryeverything.”
I swallow hard, my voice trembling.
“So that’s what I did. I kept coding him. I didn’t stop. You know I believe in science, in grit and hard work, not miracles, but when he came back, when he started breathing again…” I wipe at my eyes, shaking my head. “I started to believe in something else, too…in love because it was my love foryouthat kept me trying withhim. I needed someone to live.”
She covers her mouth with her hand, eyes shining. “Oh, Helen,” she whispers. “Thank God you didn’t give up on him. Can you imagine if he’d died?”
Just the thought is enough to undo me. The memory of that night, the fear, his deathly cold skin, the wail of the monitors, rises up in a wave I can’t stop. The tears spill over again, heavy and hot, and this time I don’t even try to hold them back.
What if Teddy had died that night? I wouldn’t have just lost him, I would’ve lost the chance to know him. These past couple of months would never have happened. Every late-night conversation, every inside joke, every vulnerable, beautiful moment when he let me see who he really is. Those never would’ve existed.
I didn’t expect any of this when we agreed to fake date, but somehow all our pretending has become real. The thought that I could’ve missed it, that he could’ve slipped through my fingers before I ever got the chance to hold him. It’s unthinkable. Unbearable.
“Mom.” I grasp her arm and shake it gently, needing her to understand. “I almost lost him. He was so pale. I thought he wouldn’t make it.”
Seeing how upset I am, she lays her hand over mine and squeezes. “It’s all right. Teddy’s here. He’s safe. He’s perfect and so obviously in love with you.”
“No, I’m not sure he is,” I say, shaking my head. I don’t want to lead her on any longer. This morning feels like the right time to tell the truth.
All of it.
“We weren’t meant to be together, at least not at first. Teddy and I weren’t actually dating during Thanksgiving. You assumed we were, and I let you believe it. I even convinced him to play along because I didn’t want to disappoint you. Not during the holidays.” I stare down at my hands, then force myself to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry I lied.”
Mom leans back and gives me a soft, knowing smile. “Helen, with all due respect to your dad and Teddy and even Gwen, who do you think knows you better than anyone in the world?”
I wrap my hands around my coffee mug, letting the warmth seep into my fingers. “You,” I say quietly. “You know me best.”
“Of course I do!” she exclaims. “Youliterallygrew inside my body. I built you; every beautiful part of you came from in here.” She taps her belly like it’s a mic drop. “No one understands their kid like a mom. I know every quirk, every secret—even the ones you think you hide—every fear, every hope, every tiny thing that makes youyou.I’ve seen it all.”
She leans forward, her voice softening. “So let me tell you something with absolute certainty: this thing between you and Teddy…that wasneverfake, honey. You two may have told yourselves that, but I’ve seen you together, seen how you look at each other. That kind of chemistry? No. That’s not something you can make up. That’s real and it’s special and it’s rare.” Her eyes glisten. “Helen, it’ssorare. I’ve been lucky enough to have it with your father and to see you find it too, well, you have no idea the peace that gives me.”
I blink fast, trying to hold it together. “You really think so? That he’s supposed to be with me? That he could…love me?”
