Page 74 of Holiday Love
His tone drops. “He’s always been jealous of you. Even before Gina. He thinks you get all the breaks.”
I scoff. “Really? Did he forget the part where my dad died and I was basically raised by my teenage sister? About how my mom worked all the time and my brother’s an asshole?”
“I’m not saying it’s fair, likeat all.” Jamie wipes condensation off his beer, flicks it off his fingers. “But when your dad died, the whole school rallied around you. Homemade cards, all your friends at the funeral. When his dad walked out sophomore year, no one said a thing.”
I go quiet, shame coiling low in my gut. “I think mostly no one knew what to say.” I admit, “I always felt bad about that.”
Jamie shrugs. “Doesn’t mean he gets to be a dick about it.”
Before I can answer, I do a quick check for Helen and see…nothing. My nerves kick into high gear as I lumber to my feet. “Where’s Helen? Where is she?” My voice cracks, almost frantic as every muscle in my body tenses, preparing to run into the ocean, cast and all.
Jamie stands too. He points down the beach. “There. She just drifted a little. She’s okay.”
I follow the path of his finger. Sure, enough, Helen’s on her belly, paddling back out into the sea. My hand goes to my chest, rubbing like I can physically slow down my racing heartbeat.
Jamie peeks over at me, one brow raised. He smirks and says, “Who would’ve thought it? Teddy in love. Didn’t think it’d make you this twitchy.”
“You were worried too,” I accuse, then cut myself off, teeth grinding. “Besides, we’re just friends.”
“Jesus.” Jamie rolls his eyes. “She said the same thing.”
I try not to flinch at that. I don’t want to let him know it hurts that’s how Helen sees me. Ignoring him, I continue to stare into the water where Helen waits for the next wave. There are dozens of surfers around her, bobbing in the water, all wearing the same kind of wetsuits. All sitting on their boards in the same position, but I can pick her out easily.
I’ve memorized the shape of her body.
The way she moves.
“Relax,” Jamie says, sighing loud and theatrically as he drops back onto the blanket. “She’s fine.”
“Still not happy you left her alone,” I mutter, unclenching my fists as I sink into my chair.
Jamie studies me in that unsettling way he has, like he can see right through me. “You’re this strung out but still claim you’re only friends? Really?” His head tilts, eyes sharp. “Don’t insult me, Teddy. I know you better than most. We grew up together, for fuck’s sake.” The corners of his mouth tug down, hurt in his eyes that he’s quick to conceal, but he’s right. We know each other too well. I see the emotion before he buries it.
I rub my hand over my forehead, stomach sour like I just swallowed seawater. I don’t know how to explain it to him. The tangle of my emotions over Helen. All the reasons it doesn’t matter how I feel, because the whole thing is pointless.
He sits up and motions toward the small red cooler that sits next to me.
I lean over, pick up a water and beer and hold them out, letting him choose. He points to the beer, and I toss it over. Jamie catches it deftly. There’s a loud pop as he opens it. After he’s had a long pull, he nods toward Helen and says, “She’s not what I expected.”
My stomach drops. “Is that…bad?”
He shrugs one shoulder, eyes scanning the water. “Not bad. Just different. You told me she was smart, intense. Kind of intimidating, actually.”
Sounds like an accurate description of Helen to me. Heck, even now I still find her a bit intimidating.
Jamie shades his eyes with one hand and together we watch Helen as she tumbles off her board, the one I let her borrow. My best board.
Once her head pops out of the water and I can breathe again, he continues, “I’ve seen you with a bunch of women, Teddy. None like this one.” Jamie takes a long drink. “You’re usually drawn to the easy ones. The loud, flirty, low-stakes women who don’t get under your skin.”
I don’t answer, because he’s not wrong.
The thing is, Helen’s not easy. She’s messy and brilliant and awkward and brave. She’s falling off a surfboard for the five hundredth time and still getting right back up.
There’s no point deflecting, not with him. “That’s kinda the point, isn’t it? That she’s different?”
He nods, thoughtfully. “So why are you acting like this is something less than it is? Is she not attracted to you?”
That feels good, right there.
