Page 75 of Holiday Love
The memory of what she said when my hands were on her is so vivid that I cough, clear my throat, weirdly embarrassed. Jamie and I have traded intimate details about the women we’ve hooked up with, but talking about Helen like that makes my skin itch.
“Uh, no. That’s not it.”
He throws both hands up. “What’s the problem, then?”
“Well, first there’s Gwen, who told me to stay away. Commanded it actually. Then, there’s the fact that Helen’s about a billion times smarter and more successful than me. Plus, we’re living together and even more I like her,reallylike her, as a person.” I exhale hard. “I don’t want to risk losing her, even if that means having to settle for just being friends.”
I almost tell him about my suspicion that I’m the one who got Helen suspended but stop myself. I’ll take her secrets to the grave. I also don’t mention how she never called me after we slept together last year. That’s not to protect her, that’s all about me. My fragile pride, my ego.
Jamie’s shaking his head before I’m even done. “Gwen loves you both. She’s also the nicest person I’ve ever met. She’ll get over it. This thing about you not feeling good enough is stupid, but I get it. You’ve been stuck in that spiral for a while now. The real question is, what’re you going to do about it?” He narrows his eyes. “Do I need to kick your ass?”
I pull myself up taller. “I have an idea.”
“What’s that?” He leans forward, putting his chin in his hand.
“I’m going to join the Coast Guard.” The words feel huge out in the open. I brace for the snort, the ridicule, but it doesn’t come.
“The Coast Guard, huh?” His eyes flick to the boat that cruises far past the surfers. The grey and orange one. “What made you decide that?”
“Remember when we saw them rescue that boat a month ago?”
His mouth curves into a half-smile. “Yeah, who could forget? That was pretty badass.”
“It made me think. What if I was out there? Helping out like that?”
He scratches his chin, fingernails scraping over stubble as he thinks. “That could be cool.”
“I looked into it. I have all the qualifications. Just need to take a test.” I try to sound more confident than I feel, but I forget. Jamie and I went to school together. He knows about my grades, about how bad I am at standardized anything.
He flinches slightly. “Is that going to be a problem?”
“I’ve got three weeks to study. It’s on December twenty-third, two days before Christmas. Helen’s going to tutor me, help me prepare, which is one more reason I can’t put a move on her.”
“I could help too?” Jamie offers, more tentatively than usual, like he thinks I’ll reject him. As much as he knows about my dismal test scores,Iknow he’s aced every class and test he’s ever taken.
He’s annoying like that. Everything comes easy to him.
“You’d do that?” I ask, genuinely surprised, and then I wince, feeling stupid for not thinking of him earlier. I’ve been so focused on Helen that I forgot I have other people in my life. People who care about me. Who want me to succeed.
“Of course, jackass. Can’t believe you’d even ask.” That flash of hurt again, barely masked.
I sigh. “I’ve been a shitty friend, haven’t I?”
He swirls the beer can in his hands, takes another sip. “You’ve had a lot going on in your head. I knew you were ready to move on, even before the pretty doctor lady came into the picture.”
I blink, surprised. “You did?”
“Yeah. Even I know we’ve gotta change. We can’t be those creepy old guys throwing parties and hitting on nineteen-year-olds.” He pauses, then gets that familiar mischievous glint in his eye. “You know, maybeIshould look into the Coast Guard too. I’d look incredible in that uniform. Women love that shit.”
“Jamie,” I say, giving him my bestyou-are-the-problemvoice.
He smirks. “Right, right, also great for saving people and making the world a better place.Obviously.”
“Hmm.” I send him a doubtful look that makes him laugh, but then he turns serious. Likereally serious. The easy grin is gone, replaced by something I rarely see on Jamie’s face, genuine vulnerability. He runs a hand through his hair and stares at the ground for a long moment, digging his toes into the sand.
“Listen, Teddy. I’ve heard you tell the story about how we became friends about a thousand times. You always make it sound like I rescued you. Helped you out when your dad died, and you know what?”
I shake my head slowly.
