Page 52 of Lord Lonbourn's Daughter
“There is no need for you to attend me during the night, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth had half a mind to contradict him by handing him a mirror, but that would have been cruel. She harboured no wish to force her attentions where they were unwelcome, so she rose stiffly from her chair. Her legs felt like they were swollen into tree trunks and were prickling and burning.
“May I be of service to you before I return to my chamber?” she enquired coolly.
“No, thank you. You should get some decent sleep in your own bed.”
“I am glad you are feeling better.” What else could she say when she had been evicted from her husband’s chamber? Nothing came to mind as she reached her own room and pulled the bell.
#
The following day
Elizabeth was hammering out the first movement of Ludwig van Beethoven’s fifth symphony on the pianoforte. Darcy might have pitied the keys had not his ears suffered the brunt of the ponderous notes. He should return to his chamber instead of ogling his wife through the crack of the door, but he was as rooted to the spot.
She could not have shown her vexation any more glaringly if she had shouted in his face. Of course, his wife was too polite to do so, though he might have preferred it to the lyrical abuse of his ears. His pleasure was not at the forefront of her mind at the moment but rather her own displeasure. He was ignorant to the source of it, or he would certainly have rectified the matter expeditiously. Could she have been displeased with her new conveyance? He thought back to that morning when Elizabeth’s new, resplendently fitted carriage had arrived. She had looked genuinely pleased with the size, the colour of the upholstery, and the perfectly matched horses. Her surprise had been a delight to observe as she had seemed subdued since Georgiana’s return. No, it could not be the carriage…
“I feel wretched,” she muttered to herself as her hands clunked down on the final notes.
Was it acceptable to feel relief the music had ended? He must remember to be supportive in all her endeavours as she must feel the events of recent days keenly. Her heart was so easily touched. Fear was displayed differently from person to person, in his experience, but hammering incessantly on the poor keys of a pianoforte was new.
“We shall find Lady Lydia and bring her home,” he promised from the threshold.
Elizabeth startled; she had clearly not noticed him standing there. He limped towards her, resting heavily on his cane.
“Yes, I feel ridden with guilt,” his wife admitted.
“You can hardly blame yourself for her abduction!” Darcy exclaimed incredulously, then winced at the pain in his head.
“I should have spoken more forcefully against their sojourn to Ramsgate. My father is blind to his daughter’s faults, Mr Darcy. It is the prerogative of a parent, I suppose, but a sister is not so easily fooled. Lydia is full young and thrives as the centre of attention. She is the baby of the family, and with my mother’s illness and death, I am afraid she did not receive the guidance she needed before she was launched into society. It has left her vulnerable to those with nefarious purposes. Lydia does not have Miss Darcy’s reserve nor Kitty’s modesty. She might think this is all just a great game and be prevailed into doing something very stupid indeed. We may have to find her a match as soon as she is discovered, but with her lively disposition, she would be miserable in a marriage without affection. I cannot picture this disaster ending as well for her as it has for Miss Darcy and Kitty. We are adults, Mr Darcy, and understand what sacrifices must be made, but Lydia is sixteen—” Elizabeth drew a sharp intake of breath and regarded him with concern. “I am not saying that I do not understand what sacrifice you have made, Mr Darcy. Iamsorry that you were forced into a marriage not of your choosing.”
Darcy’s mind reeled. Her concern for her sister was legitimate. He knew nothing that could assuage her worries there, but her worries on his behalf were not.
“I may oppose the manner in which we were forced to wed, Elizabeth. Yet I do not regret the outcome. I may not have expressed it in so many words, but it is apparent in everything I do. You cannot have failed to notice that I love you!”
Instead of looking comforted, Elizabeth looked vexed.
“Must I? How do you suppose that I should know that? Do not suppose that my concern for my sister was an entreaty for idle compliments. Your desire to avoid the attachment in the first place was evident—stating quite clearly within my hearing thatthis was not how you imagined entering holy matrimony. You are not an expressive man, but one would think that the words may have been uttered at least once voluntarily if they were indeed honestly felt.”
“It is in everything I commend, everything I declare!” Darcy spoke with exasperation in his voice.
“Common decency and politeness do not much of a lover make, Mr Darcy. I would have expected nothing less, despite the fact that we were forced to marry. I cannot imagine you treating your wife with anything but the respect she is due to her station. Even if you value her company but little.”
“How can you even say that?” Darcy failed to keep his voice level.
“You never inform me about anything of importance, be it resolving difficulties or decisions needing to be made. You rattle along with nary a thought that I might have an opinion in the matter. I am just your wife whom you wave away or dismiss from your company but for one short spell in the dead of night. I shall bear your heirs and arrange your dinners, and if you are fortunate, make your household run smoothly. What other purposes have I, Mr Darcy?”
“Did I importune you too much on our wedding night?” he worried, sinking into a chair. His knee was throbbing in pain.
“How, out of all that I have said, did you draw that conclusion? If a man has a deep attachment to a lady, one would think he would importune her more often than one night.” Elizabeth blushed deeply. “I thought you would need me, crave my presence, even.”
“I am protecting you, trying to make your life pleasant, smooth, and uneventful,” he defended himself.
“I do not need protection! I do not crave smooth and uneventful. A life can never be fully lived if one is protected from reality. If I had known you were to challenge Lord Hazard, I would have tried to prevent it, but I would have understood why you needed to do it, regardless. I would have made sure the physician was at the ready at the match and along your ride.
“I want passion, to yearn for someone at the briefest of separations. You may deem me wanton, but that is not my point. I want that bond with someone, that special connection you share with the one who is your intimate partner, privy to the aspects of your person hidden from the world at large. I want to cuddle up to you at night, safe in the warmth of your embrace.
“I want to be a part of the daily struggles alongside the pleasures. I want my opinions to be heard and to earn your respect as a rational human being.
