Page 19 of The Space He Left
"Yes, you should have." Her voice was quiet, tired. "Lisa had to go, so Sam sat with me for hours, Jack. He held my hand during the monitoring, talked to the doctors, made sure I was okay. He did all the things you should have been doing."
The guilt was overwhelming. I'd missed what could have been the birth of our daughter because I'd been too focused on Madison to even check my phone. I'd left my pregnant wife to rely on my best friend while I held another woman's hand.
"Is the baby okay?" I asked.
"She's fine. But Jack..." Harper turned to look at me fully, and I could see tears in her eyes. "I needed you today. Not Sam, not Lisa. You. And you weren't there."
"I'm here now."
"Are you? Because even sitting here, talking to me, I can see you checking your phone."
I dropped my phone. "I'm trying to balance everything," I said weakly.
"Balance? Jack, when was the last time you came to one of my doctor's appointments? When was the last time we talked about baby names, or finished setting up the nursery, or just had dinner together without you rushing off to handle one of Madison's crises?"
I opened my mouth to answer and realized I couldn't. It had been weeks since I'd been fully present for any of those things. Every conversation about the baby since our anniversary dinner had been interrupted by Madison's needs. Every plan we'd made had been canceled for one of her emergencies.
"She has cancer, Harps."
"And I'm having your baby. Our baby. But, apparently, that's not enough to keep your attention."
The words hung between us, and I could see Harper waiting for me to say something, to reassure her, to promise that things would change.
"I'm doing the best I can," I said finally.
Harper stared at me for a long moment, then turned away. "I know you are, Jack. That's what makes this so hard."
I lay down beside her, reaching for her hand, but she pulled it away gently. Not angrily, just... distant.
"Harps?"
"I'm tired, Jack. Really tired. Can we just... not talk anymore tonight?"
I wanted to say more, wanted to fix this somehow, but I could see the exhaustion in every line of her body. My wife, eight and a half months pregnant, who'd spent the day thinking she might be in labor, who'd been unable to reach me during what could have been the birth of our child.
As I lay there in the dark, listening to Harper's breathing slowly even out, I felt the full weight of what I'd done. I'd missed what could have been the most important moment of our lives because I'd been too focused on someone else to even look at my phone.
But even as the guilt consumed me, I couldn't shake the image of Madison's face when she'd asked me not to leave her alone. The fear in her eyes, the way she'd gripped my hand like I was the only thing keeping her tethered to the world.
I'd made a promise to her years ago, and I'd keep it. But in doing so, I'd broken a much more important promise to the woman lying beside me. The worst part was that I still didn't know how to fix it. Madison needed me. Harper needed me. Our daughter would be here soon, and she'd need me too.
It should have been a wake-up call.
Chapter 7
Harper
The nursery was perfect.
I stood in the doorway, my hand resting on the curve of my belly where our daughter was running out of room to grow. Everything was ready for her arrival. The crib Jack had assembled with such care, the changing table stocked with diapers and supplies, the rocking chair where I'd planned to nurse her while he read bedtime stories.
The mobile hung motionless above the crib, its soft animals waiting for tiny hands to reach for them. The bookshelf was filled with stories I'd collected over the months, classics and new favorites that I'd imagined Jack and I reading together as a family.
"Your room is ready, little one," I whispered to my belly. "Everything's here except your daddy."
She responded with a strong kick, as if she could sense my sadness. At thirty-eight weeks, she was fully formed, just gaining weight and strength before her arrival. The doctor had said she could come any day now, that I should be prepared.
I was prepared. The question was whether Jack would be.
