Page 62 of The Space He Left
"But?"
I sat down beside her on the couch. "But, he's not Jack."
Mom was quiet for a moment. "Do you want him to be Jack?"
"No. I want Jack to be Jack. The Jack I married, or maybe a better version of that man."
"And what if that Jack doesn't exist anymore? What if the man you married was always capable of the choices he made?"
It was a question I'd been avoiding, but Mom's words forced me to confront it. Had Jack's betrayal revealed his true character, or had it been an aberration brought on by circumstances and foolishness?
"I don't know," I admitted. "But I think I need to find out."
"What does that mean?"
I thought about it for a minute. "I need to stop hiding behind the co-parenting app. I need to have a real conversation with Jack, to see who he is now, to understand what happened and whether it could happen again."
"Are you ready for that?"
For eleven months now, I'd been protecting myself, keeping Jack at arm's length, refusing to engage with him as anything other than Emma's father. While time and therapy had helped me heal, his quiet constancy had been a gentle presence in the background. A new book from my favorite author wouldmagically appear on the porch on its release day. A small, perfect bouquet of my favorite flowers would be waiting for me after a particularly hard week with a teething Emma. They were small, unsigned gestures that were so perfectly him. It had been necessary for my healing to maintain the distance, but his quiet pursuit had also prevented any possibility of me completely closing my heart to him. It was time to take a leap.
"I think so. Emma's first birthday is next month. That seems like... appropriate timing."
Mom nodded. "What about Doug?"
"He's a good man, but he's a friend, nothing more."
"You're sure?"
I thought about Jack, about the man he'd been when we met, about the father he was with Emma, about the possibility that people really could change and grow from their mistakes.
"I'm sure. I need to know if there's anything left to save before I can really move on."
"And if there isn't?"
"Then at least I'll know. And I can stop wondering what if."
Chapter 22
Harper
Planning Emma's first birthday party through texts and the co-parenting app had been surprisingly collaborative.
Over the past two weeks, Jack and I had exchanged dozens of messages about decorations, guest lists, food, and gifts. It was the most we'd communicated in months, and despite the digital barrier between us, I'd found myself enjoying the planning process.
What do you think about a yellow and white theme?I'd suggested.
Perfect. Matches the nursery we painted together,he’d replied.
Guest list - both sets of grandparents, Sam, Lisa, Rowena, Jennifer, the Johnsons?
Sounds good. What about Mrs. Patterson? She asks about Emma every time I see her.
Of course. She's been so kind to us.
We'd divided responsibilities efficiently. I was handling decorations and cake, Jack was managing drinks and papergoods. We'd even coordinated on gifts, agreeing on a balance between practical items Emma needed and fun toys she'd enjoy.
I was thinking about getting her that push toy she loved at Mom's house,Jack had written.
