Page 77 of Royal Pain
“Did Zan or anyone else ask you to talk to me?”
“No. I wanted to tell you so you know it’s been seen.” He says it with the confidence of a man.
I say my good night and leave him to his sleep. Sleep being the operative word. I saw him grab his phone and start texting as I walked out.
He’s a great kid. Loves his family, wants his uncle to be the king. That’s obvious. He thinks he helped convince me to support Zan’s rule. But it’s done the opposite. It’s scared me that any decision I make doesn’t have enough consideration behind it. I can’t move this quickly. Not about a decision this huge.
* * *
It’s a cool afternoon in Mozia and jagged mountain peaks frame the blue sky. The buzz in the air owes as much to the elevation as it does to what I’m about to say. It’s possible this is going to be the longest conversation about marriage without mentioning the actual event. Today’s about something entirely different.
There’s an Oak tree near the back edges of Zan’s property. Sitting under its spreading branches is the hanging two person swing chair he bought for us to enjoy the setting sun. It was a romantic thing to do. And loving. Today I’m going to use the spot for another purpose. I hope I’ve made the right choice, for everything.
Walking across the manicured lawn and onto the gravel path leading to the swing, we’re holding hands tightly. One of our palms is sweaty. Probably both. My heart is beating like a big drum. I think he’s afraid to speak. I know I am.
We take our seat, resting on the plush cushion. Without forethought my feet push the ground. We swing gently. Our eyes find each other and there’s this moment where I doubt I’m doing the right thing.Stop it! You’ve made your mind up!
“No need to be nervous, baby. There’s no wrong decision.”
But the slight change of pitch in his voice says different. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it feels like he knows which way I’m going to go.
“This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” I say starting quietly.
“I know. But whatever you decide is going to be right for us both. It wouldn’t work if we weren’t able to come to a mutual agreement. I don’t want a miserable wife, who feels trapped in a life she never asked for.”
I take his hand in mine and entwine our fingers. His are cold.
“So tell me, am I to be king or commoner? Both sound right if I’m with you.”
My heartbeat quiets as his words touch the deepest part of me. I hope they’re true.
“Zan, I’ve come to a decision. I won’t stretch this out longer than I have to. There hasn’t been enough time to weigh what an enormous change this would be. I do love everything I know about your country, your family. But I feel like I’d be jumping into something I haven’t looked at long enough. The writer in me wants to gather more facts. So, for that reason I’m going to say it’s the commoner I’ll marry.”
All the words spill out. I’ve just reframed his life, the future. But he’s looking at me with only love in his eyes. He kisses me.
“I understand, Belinda. More than you know. And I’m fine with it. I’ve had a great life being Prince Zan. It’s enough. We will figure out the logistics and it’ll be much simpler. Much. We will be able to spend part of our time here, and part in New York. It’s going to be a beautiful life.”
My expression says I’m not so sure.
“I’m serious. You made the right decision.”
He enfolds me in his embrace.
“Feel my love, baby.”
He’s saying all the right words, but like it’s a divine conspiracy the little voice in my head is sayinghe should be king.
“Come on. Let’s go tell my mother. She’s waiting.”
* * *
The walk to the palace was three days long. At least it feels that way. I thought the cavalcade of thoughts playing in my head would slow. Not happening. It seems to have increased. Now doubt is pushing every other consideration aside.
The guards silently open the doors for us to enter. I feel the squeeze of Zan’s hand.
“I texted her. She’s waiting for us in the library.”
Walking into the room, I see the queen sitting at her desk, surrounded by her beloved books.
